- Cape Rolling Out Bloomfield Road Art Trail (8/21/19)1
- Donors Pledge Almost Two Grand To Replace SEMO's Possibly Sentient ‘Gum Tree' (8/16/18)
- SEMO and The Will To (Become A Consultant) – Part 2 (6/14/18)
- SEMO and The Will To Do (You Really Want To See That Legal Notice?) – Part 1 (6/4/18)
- Judge, Jury... Trashman (6/1/18)
- Diary of Cape Girardeau Road Deconstruction (5/11/18)
- Trying To Save A Tree From City “Improvements” (4/30/18)2
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Other Potential Culprits In Library Break-ins
My friend Bert and I were discussing the break-ins at the Cape Girardeau Public Library that were reported last week. This was before the police announced on Friday that they had arrested a former library maintenance man and charged him with the thefts.
It sounds like the police have a strong case against the guy. Apparently, the library has a video surveillance system that caught him in the act although I don't quite understand why it took a month's worth of burglaries to finger the fellow.
Perhaps, they forgot to remove the lens caps on the cameras and it took them that long to figure it out.
In any case, they have a fellow in custody so we can all now go to the library and take our lunch without fear that it might disappear from our hands in mid-bite. However, please remember that until the guy the police have in custody is convicted or pleads guilty, he is still an alleged thief.
And if the legal proceedings against him happen to collapse, Bert and I have pinpointed other possible culprits to the library break-ins that the police may want to consider.
For instance, Bert believes the fact that so much food was eaten is evidence that a homeless person is living in the library.
"They need to look on top of the bookshelves. I bet they will find him sleeping up there," Bert told me. Bert was also convinced that it was a homeless person because a granola bar was one of the items that had been pilfered.
"I read about it in your blog from last week that homeless people like granola."
"No, Bert. I wrote that Reverend Larry Rice, the homeless advocate, recommended giving panhandlers a granola bar rather than money. I never said the homeless actually liked the granola bars. Nobody asked them. In fact, if you gave a homeless person a granola bar, I bet he would chuck it to a handy squirrel as soon as your back was turned."
A figurative light bulb went off over Bert's head.
"Aaaaahhhhh. So it could be a homeless advocate stealing from the library. I bet it's no coincidence that the Reverend Rice was in town over the July Fourth weekend. He just wanted us to think he was conducting a homeless awareness campaign at Indian Park, while in fact, he was casing the local public library for overdue book money and trail mix."
"That's pretty diabolical of the good Reverend, if that were true, Bert. I know if I were a thief, the library is the first place in town I would think of to rob. How do you think he got in? Dropping down from the heating vents using one of those Mission Impossible rigs to hang from the ceiling?"
"That's possible although it's pretty obvious that the library doesn't have very stringent security. I doubt they have lasers or anything like they did in the movie. Perhaps, Rice came up through a floor drain. There's probably a tunnel that goes straight out to the LaCroix drainage ditch."
"That would have to be a pretty good-sized drain. You know Bert, when this story broke, I figured that poor management was mainly at fault. Sure seems like an awful lot of petty cash for a library. This might be a stretch, but maybe the library is actually haunted."
"Ghosts? How could that be? It's practically a brand new building."
"Sure, but did the city do any kind of an archeological survey to check the site before the construction?"
"Hmmm. Not that I recall hearing about. You may be on to something, Brad. The place could be built on an Indian burial ground, for all we know."
"That's what I was thinking. Although I'm don't know what a ghost would do with $2700 and I'm pretty sure that string cheese and chicken salad were not part of the historical Native American Indians' diet."
"Who knows. Maybe this ghost wanted some variety. By the way, did you know that pre-Columbian Native Americans made a food from wild grains, nuts, and fruits that they mixed with honey and fat then slow-roasted. Sound familiar?"
"Sure does. That's granola."
My Google stats keep rising. They went from 21,100 to 25,800 this week. My Yahoo searches rose at a slower pace from 25,300 to 27,800.
My cat's Twitter account stayed basically flat, dropping to 39 followers. Her Twitter account is patchthecat.
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