Scott City Musings: Life, death and cremation

As a Pastor, I’ve been around cremation many times and in many different situations. Some of these were acquaintances, some were friends of mine and a handful were close personal friends. The first two were personal: Marge’s mother, Helen, and her sister, Rhonda. Both impacted my life and left a lifelong impression.

Marge’s Mom moved down here from Nebraska, maybe 20-plus years ago. It was a difficult decision for her to leave her home in the Sandhills and travel 900 miles to live here in Scott City.

Helen had lived in the same valley for almost 80 years. Life for Helen was vastly different here. Back where she lived in Nebraska, her closest neighbor was miles away.

For a number of years, our boys, Marge and I enjoyed Helen as she attended every birthday celebration, holiday and many impromptu meals. Our family, including Helen, became regulars at the Mexican restaurant and the staff got to know Helen and treated her special.

Little by little, dementia and/or Alzheimer’s disease took its toll and Helen ended up in a retirement home in Sikeston. She ended up passing away during COVID-19 and was cremated as she requested.

Helen’s husband and the love of her life, Keith, had been cremated many years ago and buried in Alliance, Nebraska. Because of COVID-19 and other factors, Marge and the family decided to send Helen’s ashes back to Nebraska and be buried beside Keith and have a service later.

Maybe 40 years ago, Rhonda, Marge’s younger sister, moved to California and met a guy and got married. Her husband, even though quite young, passed away unexpectedly so Rhonda was all alone.

Rhonda’s job was in California, where she had numerous friends. Rhonda unexpectedly passed away, so Marge and her brother flew to California and began making arrangements. I flew out a week or so later and helped with the service.

Rhonda was cremated and placed in the same niche as her husband. When we had the service in California, her ashes had been pressed into a 3-by-5-by-10-inch red block of hard plastic. Marge, her brother and I handled the block. It was difficult, different and not enjoyable!

For most families, cremation is one of the options when a loved one or family member passes away. Most funeral homes can arrange cremation and handle whatever services the family desires. Some families have a visitation or memorial service with the ashes in an urn, while some postpone any type of service until later and have a memorial service. Some simply have their friend or loved one cremated and decide not to have any service. Some who are veterans choose to be cremated and buried in a Veterans Cemetery. Some have their ashes scattered at a favorite location, while others have their ashes scattered at numerous locations.

I don’t see anything in Scripture that would forbid cremation, and I see it as a viable option. Some ministers will disagree with me. Marge has requested cremation if she passes before me and she has told both our boys. I don’t have a preference as to whether I’m embalmed or cremated and then buried. We have lived here in Scott City right at 40 years, so this is our home. Both our boys live here, and their families are here so we decided to purchase plots of ground in Lightener Cemetery. We’ve looked at stone markers, but haven’t decided on which one or what to have imprinted on it. Maybe one of these days we will.

Both my mom and dad are gone, but I have two sisters and a brother still living in Nebraska. Marge has lost her mom and dad and two sisters, and she has a brother in Georgia and a sister still living in Oklahoma. I don’t have a clue how long the remaining members of Marge’s family and mine will remain alive but, eventually, we’ll all meet our Savior.

Make the most of the time we have left! Call or text your loved ones! Don’t put it off! Call or text your friends! Don’t put it off!

Just me,

Rennie

Phillips began life as a cowboy, then husband and father, carpenter, a minister, gardener and writer. He may be reached at phillipsrb@hotmail.com.