Senior Moments Column: Full Circle

I wasn’t even in high school the last time I visited that place I claimed would always be my home. And now, here I am, a senior, still nearly in tears simply reliving the history I have with that same house. The house I took my first steps in, that I celebrated my First Communion in, and finally, the house where I took my senior pictures.

We moved into our current house in March 2020, right as COVID-19 rocked the world. I was devastated. Not only did I have to leave my house, but because the world had shut down, I also couldn’t be with my friends. And, worst of all, I would be stuck in the place I had already sworn to hate.

We went back to the old house frequently just to get out and about. To get the house ready to sell, our visits changed to moving out nonessentials we had temporarily left behind. Eventually, the visits slowed and completely stopped as the house grew more and more empty. The place I had considered my home was left barren and deserted for its new owners.

Just a few weeks ago, though, it was time to go back and find spots for my pictures, with approval from the new owners.

Mom turned into the driveway, and I held my breath. So far, it was the same, and I imagined all of the times I had taken that exact same trip. Except I wasn’t the little girl in the backseat anymore, sitting on the edge of my seat to spot the little white house. It was surreal stepping out of the car in a different parking space than the one we had always parked in.

For the first time, my mom and I went up to the second story of the barn, and I felt like my world tilted on its axis. I had lived there for 12 years, yet had never been up at the top of our barn. And it only felt more wrong from there.

The walls inside our old house were now maroon, the carpet replaced with wood, and everything felt too small. But then I really started looking. There, the closet my sister, Blair, and I shared was the same, still lacking a door. In the bathroom, the matching sinks were still split by a wooden cabinet. The first door on the left still led to the dark basement. From the living room window, I could still see the rose bushes we had planted outside for Mother’s Day. Most of all, the purple splotch from Blair’s slime she had thrown to test its durability remained on the living room ceiling. It had faded to a light pink, but it was still there.

I left feeling more shaken than expected. It wasn’t the same, not by a long shot, but many similarities were present if I really looked. And honestly, thinking about it that way left me more at peace than I had ever felt about moving. The house had changed just like I had: nearly unrecognizable unless I inspected it.

It feels almost too perfect to have taken my senior pictures there. After all, that’s what senior year represents: a mix of old and new, beginning and end, past and future. It’s a bittersweet feeling to recognize my town will eventually become like my old house. But I made it through it the first time, and I know I can do it again.

Life is full of circles, and this is just another one.

Shandy Elfrink is a senior at Leopold High School. She has attended Leopold High School since kindergarten and loves reading, writing, listening to music, and hanging out with friends and family.