Hurtgen: The power of presence: Why showing up matters more than words

One key tool for building healthy relationships is expressing appreciation for the other. Expressing appreciation is more than saying “thank you”. Expressing appreciation identifies and conveys both qualities and actions in the other that you value. They may be playful, positive or dependable — the list can go on and on. In general, when we intentionally express our appreciation for those we care the most about in a way that matters to them, our relationships will become healthier.

In 2 Corinthians 7:6, Paul, after reflecting upon the hardships he has experienced, expresses appreciation for Titus, writing, “…God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus.” Paul, in expressing appreciation for Titus, gives us some models to emulate.

First, God encourages us through others. When you express an appreciation for someone, you may be the instrument God has chosen to be a source of comfort. We never know what is going on in the hearts of others. But God does. He may be sending you to build up another through your words of appreciation.

Second, never underestimate the power of presence. We do not know what Titus did other than show up. His presence brought value and demonstrated the Lord’s care.

If you know someone going through a difficult time, you want to honor them with the right words. But often, we don’t know what to say. So either we say the wrong thing (which is really an attempt to comfort our uneasiness) or we say nothing.

People in general, but especially those who are discouraged, need your presence more than precise phrases. Never underestimate the power of the ministry of presence.

Lastly, we express appreciation with our attention. Giving distraction-free attention to another elevates their value and adds weight to your presence and words.

Which expresses appreciation more? Telling someone you appreciate them while gazing at your phone? Or telling someone you appreciate them while your phone is in sight?

The latter tells the other they are more valuable than anything buying for your attention. Strive to give others your distraction-free attention.

When you say how you specifically value another, the more your positive feelings toward them will grow. You cannot say, “I am thankful for this about you” and, at the same time, foster feelings of resentment. Your feelings will follow your actions.

There are many other reasons and ways to express appreciation for the people who matter most to you. Remember, when appreciation is absent, resentment grows. When appreciation is expressed, relationships grow.

Robert Hurtgen is a husband, father, minister and writer. Read more of him at robhurtgen.wordpress.com.