Shuck: Dealing with suffering

Do we feel like life is passing us by? Perhaps we think that everything has to be perfect before we can be happy. We also visualize how our life will be when we have all our ducks in a row.

We strive to attain and achieve what we believe will make us flourish and be complete within. We work hard and look forward to the time when we’ve acquired all the techniques, acquisitions, emotional happiness and love that we need. We put our plow to the horse, within our minds and press onward toward the mark of finally having it all together. We tell ourselves that if we manage it right, we’ll have little suffering and a stress-free life, eventually. However, as we age and become more experienced, we take on different views and accumulate wisdom.

Hopefully, the wisdom and experience will guide us toward reality — the reality of seeing what living life is really all about. Within Christianity, Scripture John 16:33 says, “In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” Jesus was attempting to quiet the fears of His listeners by telling them that problems would be with them, but they would have peace in Jesus.

Life is full of suffering. You can’t avoid it so you may have to learn to enjoy it. Buddha says “Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little."

There are benefits to suffering, although most would rather forgo the suffering and forget it has advantages. Even most things we label as being pleasure, are rooted in a bit of discomfort, pain, illness or misery of some kind.

If we plan a wedding that is supposed to be a wonderful and blessed occasion, take stock and look at the physical, financial and mental stress involved. Unless we choose a simple, unassuming ceremony, the joy of the union masks the work and trouble that sets the stage for the event. Usually much toil, capital, sweat and stress are present, beforehand. Although this example merely touches the surface of the connection between suffering and pleasure, know that the toil and effort of the workers brought forth the final result of joy.

“Suffering can develop into empathy for the struggles and hardships of others because we are given a sample of the pain that another may be experiencing. It can teach us to be patient and understanding of someone and we’re able to sense and feel the rejection and failure that clings to them — to the one that is hiding inside the walls of depression, and behind the curtains of nothingness. To endure suffering enables us to recognize that other people do care about us. Our spirits are lifted when the hand of someone who empathizes and supports us, is extended in love and caring” (Hidden Secrets of Buddhism).

We need to look inside ourselves and try to figure out how the ordeal has been beneficial to us — inside the place where it matters most — within our mind and heart.

“The Lotus flower with its rich heritage, particularly among the Eastern countries, possesses much wisdom from which we can learn. The flower symbolizes purity, rebirth and resilience. It also represents enlightenment, transcendence and overcoming obstacles. The plant has a very unique life-cycle. Although its roots are entrenched in mud, it submerges every night into river water and re-blooms the next morning, sparkling with cleanliness. The flower’s ability to bloom, even in challenging environments, emphasizes its ability to overcome hardships and adversity in life” (The story of the Lotus flower).

Regardless of how messy and muddy our lives are, that confusion, suffering and sadness are what root our resolve in life. We too, can rise, as does the Lotus flower, from the dirt and grime of our lives and bloom beautifully, as well. Although the growing conditions of the Lotuses are challenging, they are resilient and keep on growing and blooming in whatever place they are rooted. We can apply this to ourselves.

If we think things will get better, they will — and if we think things will get worse, they will. Suffering is a definite part of life, so embrace it rather than run away from it.

Ellen Shuck holds degrees in psychology, religious education and spiritual direction. She is the author of the book, “Wisdom for the Journey.”