Shuck: Getting used to it

What do we do when we call a plumber, an electrician or someone to mow our lawn, and the person is late, doesn’t show up or does a lousy job? Perhaps our child is constantly late for meals, our parents seldom visit and our boss is in a grumpy mood, as usual. What do we do about all those frustrations? What if our cat won’t stay off the couch, our son is experiencing difficult teenage years and is uncommunicative most of the time? It’s irritating, to say the least, and everyone responds differently.

There is often little we can do except to rant and rave, become upset, see a therapist or throw up our hands and give up, allowing the grievances to affect our mood. Life is full of things that do not go well for us. Those little disappointments, failures, irritations and trying incidents, can mar our happiness and put us on a downhill spiral.

A few months ago, I encountered such an episode. I was attempting to have a tree removed from my backyard. A windstorm had caused a disaster, with limbs strewn here and there. My yard was an unsightly mess. The neighbor, Marsha, needed a couple trees trimmed and cut down also. We had both tried to find a capable and reputable tree trimmer. Many failed to respond to our calls, which left us hanging, still hoping to receive some estimates on the cost of trimming and removing trees. After much searching by both Marsha and myself, we finally received a response from a very professional and reasonably priced business that answered our query promptly.

We immediately set up an appointment for an estimate, to perform the tree service — and settled back to wait for the climber’s arrival. We were so relieved that we, at last, had found a reputable company to do the job. However, our enthusiasm was short-lived because Jake finally appeared, about two hours late, to review the location of the workplaces. By this time, even with my usually calm demeanor and patient temperament, I felt frustrated. I asked Marsha what she thought about Jake’s being so late for the appointment with us. I was surprised at her response. With her, seemingly unruffled feathers, she calmly answered. “Oh, I’m used to it”, and she went on about her business. Marsha’s job requires that she deals, often, with scenarios such as this one. “I could learn from her attitude,” I said to myself.

One would usually, have given little thought to Marsha’s comment, “I’m used to it”, but the words made a stunning impression on me. “My,” I thought, “What a way to look at life. I was doing, neither myself nor anyone else, any favors, by being upset and angry, because it would change nothing.” Jake would arrive, either before or after, our appointment time, and how I felt about it would make no difference, unless I chose to get another to demolish my tree.

I decided to take the earlier route and refuse to allow his tardiness to spoil my mood and my state of mind. Since I had heard many good references concerning his work, I avidly wanted to, at least, talk with Jake. Consequently, there was nothing I could do, except wait. I recalled Marsha’s solution. “Get used to it” and I recognized that her prescription for anger, unrest and peace was to get used to things when she could do nothing about them. Proverbs 16:32 places the highest value on how important it is that we control our anger whether they are trite happenings, or more noteworthy ones. The Scripture says that, “being slow to anger and controlling one’s spirit is better than taking a city or being mighty.”

When we become irritated or angry, depression can follow if we neglect to get to the root cause of the irritation. According to the American Psychological Association, “Anger is an emotion characterized by feeling antagonism toward someone or something that has wronged you.” Regardless of the reason why we feel put-upon, insulted or left out, our health is more important. Ignoring slights and getting used to what life hands us are ways we can deal with the undesirable in life.

Ellen Shuck holds degrees in psychology, religious education and spiritual direction. She is the author of the book, “Wisdom for the Journey.”