Shuck: Struggling for balance when you lose your footing

How can we be on top of the world one moment and down in the gutter the next? That's a question, I dare say, that all of us have asked ourselves a time or two. What do we do about that lost, left out and forlorn feeling? I listened to a friend, Randy, giving a speech recently. He was quite successful presently, but the path of, having made it, had not been an easy one.

As a child, my friend, Randy, loved school. He was outgoing, smart and liked by his classmates. Randy received much encouragement from his family so he felt successful and happy. This scenario is a common one, however, riding high, is sometimes short-lived. Unfortunately, Randy had to deal with some unexpected circumstances. He began to change schools, out of necessity. One burned, others consolidated with other schools, and the family moved some. Since he constantly had to reacquaint himself with other people, he seemed, always, to be in transition--transition to new surroundings. At the beginning the social adjustments were most difficult but Randy attempted to fit in and make a name for himself. He also tried to excel at activities and academically.

Since he was such an outgoing likeable kid, he put his all into the various settings and his confidence remained high until a tragic happening occurred in the lives of Randy's family. His dad developed high blood pressure and suffered a paralyzing stroke during Randy's eighth grade in school The stroke crippled his father and his family was forced to make changes accommodating the illness. Randy tried to persevere, but a large portion of his support system was gone. His confidence began to deteriorate, and although he was the same person, he became withdrawn and reclusive. Much of Randy's young life was spent trying to regain his old self--to find balance and fulfillment inside, somewhere. He married at the age of twenty five to a woman that adored him, and his confidence soared as she fed his need for stability, approval and love. His wife needed Randy's approval and support, as well.

I still watch, and keep in contact with my friend and I am astonished at the changed man into which he's become. I questioned what caused the transition in Randy -- one from an attitude of confidence, as a young child, to uncertainty during adolescence and young adulthood. Now, he had finally developed back into the person that possessed high self-esteem and assurance. I pondered what caused the change.

I noted that the support and love that he received as a child made a huge difference. He heard words of praise and love from his family as he grew, and he absorbed their love for learning. Upon entering school, he thrived in the atmosphere, and success followed him. His confidence and achievement followed by his personality, attracted the admiration of his peers. By living in such an atmosphere, Randy himself, believed that he could accomplish that of which he desired to do. He advanced as long as he, himself, felt intelligent and able -- and the adults around him buoyed him up on a regular basis.

However things changed within his perception of his himself and his abilities, soon after the illness of his father. Without the support and example of his dad, the bottom fell out of his world. His confidence waned and he became an on-looker. We often do not realize the importance of a pat on the back from someone, or their mere presence being there for us. Assuring an individual of his worth, his skills and just being a child of God makes a positive difference. Negative feedback highlights negative outcomes. When Randy lost many of his attractive and leadership qualities because of his state of mind, he failed to maintain the energy he needed to press on. He began to doubt himself. He faltered rather than steadily looking forward. St. Francis De Sales tells us to "Be patient with everyone but above all, with yourself (Golden Counsels).

It wasn't the happenings in his life that changed him from being positive to negative and back to positive -- it was Randy's perception of himself.