Dr. Loretta Prater: Surviving the loss of a child to police brutality

In the hours after receiving a call from a 423 area code, Loretta Prater only remembers one clear thought:

“How could I be in a world without him?”

Her son Leslie Prater — who called every Sunday, never forgot to send holiday cards and never met a stranger — was killed by police officers in Chattanooga, Tennessee. Loretta was staying with her cousin, who received the call.

On January 2, 2004, two officers found 37-year-old Leslie by his parked car, undressed. He was intoxicated, and Loretta notes the first two officers to arrive recognized it as a mental distress call. They spoke with Leslie, following appropriate protocol, she says; when backup officers arrived, she says the situation took a turn for the worst.

According to the mother, officers pinned the 234-pound Leslie to the ground, restraining him for 10 minutes. An autopsy by Frank King revealed 21 rib fractures, countless abrasions and injuries, and dirt in his nose. The report noted his fingernails were clean; Leslie had not scratched or harmed the officers.

He died at the scene by positional asphyxia.

Officers were given several days off work without pay while an internal investigation ruled his death an accident. Loretta says the department gave media outlets skewed representations of his size. For example, some articles described him as weighing more than 300 pounds.

Loretta says she believes the department consistently worked to cover up his death.

Sixteen years later, Loretta is still grieving and says she will always continue to grieve. She notes the steps in the grieving process; she says she’ll never reach that final stage of acceptance. In order to accept his death, she says she’d have to understand why it happened.

Loretta relies on her faith and can’t imagine enduring the pain of Leslie’s death without it. As she grieves, she tries to keep his memory alive by sharing details about her son whenever she can.

On Mother’s Day, she’ll display the cards he sent her over the years. He introduced his mother to smooth jazz; listening to the genre helps her feel comforted.

Sharing Leslie’s story helps, as well. Leslie loved to dance — when he was a teenager, he gave lessons to the neighbors. One year, he attended three different prom dances with three different dates. That memory makes Loretta smile; she loved his friendly personality.

“He wasn’t a wallflower by any means,” she says.

People often assume they might hurt her by asking about her son; Loretta says it’s the opposite. As a mother, she’s comforted to know he isn’t forgotten.

She’s written “Excessive Use of Force: One Mother’s Struggle Against Police Brutality and Misconduct” to try to make sense of it all. As a retired educator and administrator with a background in counseling, she’s familiar with expressing herself through the written word. Bibliotherapy helps use this experience to educate others, she says.

Loretta says she’s been given an opportunity to create change. She’s led sensitivity training for both Chattanooga and Cape Girardeau police departments, which she says is vital to preventing deaths like Leslie’s.

George Floyd’s death in May was a flashpoint. She says Floyd’s death compared to Leslie’s, as they were both restrained by officers until they couldn’t breathe. Technology wasn’t developed enough to capture video evidence of Leslie’s death. It’s something she says would have heavily impacted Leslie’s case.

When giving presentations on police brutality, she’s learned to compartmentalize her role as an educator versus her identity as a grieving mother. Without that separation, she says she can’t get past the emotion.

Loretta says she still feels very angry. She lost a son, and she lost the life she would’ve lived if he was still alive. Leslie’s brother, Stefan, lost his older brother and friend. She feels robbed of holidays, grandkids and countless more future moments with her oldest son. It’s difficult to forgive someone who never asked for forgiveness, she says.

But it’s still the simple moments and connection with her son she misses most.

“He was always interested in the arts,” Loretta says. “I think he really could’ve made it [as an artist], because he just had a natural affinity for it.”

Leslie created a watercolor painting of a flower for his mother. His parents commissioned a stained glass window resembling his painting, which hangs in the third-floor window of their Cape Girardeau home today.

Loretta says when the sun hits the glass a certain way, it reminds her of her son.

Hear Loretta tell her own story at 6 p.m. on Oct. 22 at One City, 610 Independence Street in Cape Girardeau, at the Survivor Stories event. Seating is limited to 50 people; to be in the live audience, reserve your complimentary ticket at survivorstories2020.eventbrite.com If you prefer to watch from home, tune in to the Facebook Live stream at .