HOW TO BE A GOOD HOST (AND GUEST)

Flowers in the room can make a house guest feel special.

For many families, summer brings visits from relatives and friends.

Making such visits become the fodder for fond recollections rather than lingering resentments depends greatly on the amount of communication between hosts and visitors and remembering manners and common courtesy, experts say.

Communication is the most important part of overnight entertaining, according to "Emily Post's Etiquette." The more planning that goes into a visit and the more open hosts and guests are with each other about routines and expectations, the smoother the visit will be.

"Don't plan your visitors' days and nights until you know what they want," said Tom Neumeyer, who has been hosting guests at his Neumeyer Bed and Breakfast on Lorimer Street in Cape Girardeau for 11 years.

Some people only want rest and relaxation and others relax by staying on the go, Neumeyer said.

A host should not feel obligated to spend every moment or a lot of money on a guest and a guest should be considerate of the host's regular routine, etiquette experts say.

According to various etiquette sources, guests should offer to help out during their stay, offer to help with groceries and pay for their own meals out, not leave messes and try to conform to the schedule of their hosts or let the hosts know their schedule in advance. Guests who bring their children should talk to them in advance about good guest manners.

It's customary for house guests to bring a "hostess" gift to the people with whom they are staying, whether friends or relatives.

For hosts, there are many ways to make guests feel welcome in their home. There are the basics of providing clean linens, clean towels and a clean room.

"Cleanliness is really important," said Neumeyer. Spare bedrooms may not get cleaned as often as the rest of the house and dust and cobwebs can collect.

"Look at the room from the view of a third party," Neumeyer said.

Another thing spare bedrooms tend to collect is stuff people don't have room to store in the rest of the house. So look at closets and other storage areas in the room to make sure guests have room to hang their clothes and store their items.

A host also should give house guests as much privacy as possible. Ideally that would be a bedroom with an attached bathroom, said Neumeyer.

Of course, that's not available in all homes. Still accommodations can be made for short stays.

If a home has more than one bathroom, you might give guests the run of one of those. Or work around your guest's schedule in taking showers and other grooming chores.

Even if your home doesn't have a spare bedroom and the best you can do for your guest is pull out the sleeper sofa in the den, look for ways to increase privacy. You might move family activities out of that room for the duration of the visit, head to bed early to give visitors time to themselves and use screens or curtains to increase privacy.

Then there are small touches that make a house guest feel welcome, Neumeyer said.

Among Neumeyer's suggestions:

Lamps, if possible one on each side of the bed, provide light for reading or crossword puzzles.

A clock radio provides music and an alarm clock.

Do as good hotels do and provide shampoo, soap, hair dryer and lots of towels for the bathroom.

Provide information on attractions and events in the area. This could be parks or recreation areas, museums, historical homes or sites, shopping areas, festivals and other fun attractions, especially those unique to the area. Neumeyer said the Cape Girardeau Convention and Visitors Bureau has lots of brochures about various area attractions.

Ask in advance about food allergies or special diets and plan meals accordingly. If guests are coffee drinkers, make sure there will be morning coffee. It's also nice to have snacks and drinks on hand.

Provide reading materials such as magazines or books of short stories.

Fresh flowers add a nice touch to a guest room.

"People appreciate little touches," Neumeyer said.

Attitude is important in being a gracious host. To keep a good one, look at your guests' stay not as an inconvenience but as a chance to indulge yourself.

Suggest visiting area sites with your guests that you've wanted to see but have never taken the time.

Splurge by making favorite dishes you usually don't take the time to prepare, such as homemade pancakes or lasagna.

Go on picnics, grill outdoors, make homemade ice cream.

"Make it an occasion for yourself to do things out of the ordinary," Neumeyer said.