KNOW HOW TO COPE WHEN YOUR KIDS FLY THE COOP

You've thrown out gallons of soured milk, but you can't seem to buy only a half-gallon carton. Your spouse has begun to complain about eating the same leftovers night after night after night. Your house seems strangely quiet.

What's the problem? It could be empty nest syndrome, a common ailment that affects parents after their children have left home. Parents become so used to kids being around that changes in their lifestyle come slowly.

Whether children are grown and on their own, are away at college or the youngest has finally entered school, the feelings of emptiness and loneliness felt by many are sometimes extreme. Some begin to ask themselves, "What is my purpose in life?" Feelings of incompletion or depression are common.

Experts say spouses, who in some cases are spending many hours alone together for the first time since the early months of their marriage, should talk to each other about their feelings.

"Some women tend to get their identity more through their families, where as men get it through their occupations," said Del McKinney, PhD, a supervisor at Community Counseling Center in Cape Girardeau. "When a woman has been a full-time mom and that role changes, she can have some feelings of grief.

"Anytime in life if you have a goal that you achieve, there is a letdown afterward."

Linda and Ron Watts just sent their youngest child off to kindergarten this school year. The Watts also have children in the second, fifth and eighth grades.

"It was a hard transition; I've had somebody at home for the last 14 years," Linda Watts said. "I cried a lot that day," she said.

Watts has begun to adjust to her new lifestyle. She now has the time to participate as a volunteer mom in her children's classrooms. Grocery shopping and running errands are done while the children are in school.

"That frees me up to be with them when they get home," she said.

Watts has found something to look forward to each day: school being out and her children being home. For parents of children who are attending a college out of the area, daily returns home are an impossibility. These parents focus on special occasions when the children return for a visit.

Lots of hugs and kisses are sent by e-mail and telephones in those first few weeks.

Tish and Basil Barnes knew their son Justin was preparing for an independent life. They had discussed his leaving, "but when Justin, his girlfriend and the cat all walked out, it was still sad," Tish Barnes said. "He even called that night to make sure I was OK."

The Barnes' house was a frequent hangout for Justin, his older sister Lori and their friends. Now there are no kids running in and out. The house is darker and the grocery bill has gone down.

There are advantages though, Tish Barnes says. The extra money saved on groceries and laundry has found a place in the Barnes' budget -- her BMW. She recently planned a St. Louis shopping spree.

Most of her old furniture has found a new home. "We're even considering looking for a smaller place," she said.

As children embark on a new phase in their lives, parents can begin to do the same. They may pursue additional education, work out of the home, take up a new hobby or take more time to stop and smell the roses. Parents should remember that, whatever feelings this newfound freedom brings, they aren't. If the loneliness seems too great, talk to someone. Many times it helps to share with others in the same situation.

If parents remain depressed, they should consider counseling, McKinney said.

Most importantly, remember that good can come of the situation. George W. and Laura Bush recently sent their twin daughters off to college.

So what happened? George decided to run for president.

Heidi Hall of the Southeast Missourian contributed to this report.