The day began like so many others. D. Carl Johnson, ailing with diabetes, had trouble standing in the shower, so his wife, Janice, washed his hair in the sink. Carl combed his hair and came downstairs for breakfast.

Afterward, he stepped out onto the patio to read and collapsed, a blood clot lodged in his brain. It was June 20, 1998.

"He was really brain dead then. They brought him back, and he held on and survived until the 25th," his 71-year-old widow recalls. "I remember thinking I didn't want him to go on my son's birthday, the 21st, and I didn't want him to go on my birthday, the 24th of June. He went the evening of the 25th."

Faced with life without her partner of 46 years, alone in the house her husband helped to design and build 31 years earlier, Janice Johnson did what many her age do: She turned to her church and also found comfort in a new circle of friends.

After Carl's death, his widow may have been alone, but she was never lonely.

"I pretty much did for myself," she says. "I had things to do: I had to cut the grass; thank goodness it was the summer because my neighbor next door, Nancy, would always stop over or say 'Hi.' Wintertime you might not see your neighbors for weeks. And I had several friends who were widows, and we did things."

Dealing with grief

Johnson's experience is typical of many senior citizens, who fall back on their relationships with friends and their church and who often are better than younger adults at dealing with grief, said Kerrie Laguna, who specializes in developmental psychology and senior citizens as an assistant professor of psychology at Lebanon Valley College.

"Older adults are less anxious about a lot of things, including death," Laguna said. "I think that older adults cope better than young and middle-aged adults do with a variety of stressers. Call it wisdom, acceptance, experience -- they just seem to do better with stress."

But the death of someone close can be a devastating experience, and isolation can set in if a survivor is left alone with few relatives or friends to rely on.

Many times people are reluctant to come to support groups. However, several area support groups offer help to people in varying stages of grief and life. Both St. Francis Medical Center and Southeast Missouri Hospital offer monthly support groups.

People who come to the meetings can see that hope does exist, said Connie Griswold, chaplain assistant at Southeast Missouri Hospital. "They can have the glimmer of hope that it will be get better and that these other people made it through."

The first visits are always tough, Griswold said. "They are fighting back so many tears. We cry a lot and smile a lot. They don't know what to expect, what to say."

But the support group doesn't require anyone to speak. People connect on their own, Griswold said. They find out that what they are feeling is normal.

Daily reminders of pain

Seventy-one-year-old Carl Fidora chose to stay active as the director of the Bellefonte Senior Center when his 46-year-old daughter, Wanda, died from a heart attack last spring. Although he had lost both parents and two brothers, Fidora said losing a child was much more difficult.

"My wife, she's still grieving. And so am I, but in different ways, I guess," he said. "They were more closely united, I suppose. Any conversation, just about, it comes up about her daughter.

"They saw each other about every day, went places, shopping and things like that, at least once a week," he said. "Myself, I didn't have that close of a relationship, but there are still times when something will remind me of her. Something jars your memory, and it brings it all back."

Some seniors draw strength from grief support groups that are scheduled weekly or just meet once each month. Griswold said the meetings help people learn more about coping with their grief and rebuilding their lives. Yet sometimes they leave feeling worse, she said.

Finding support

"They think they are out there all by themselves," she said, "and their feelings are abnormal. They come and find that they are very normal and you can see the hope that comes back within their life."

"There's really a lot of people out there who've got guts, who got a real verve," said Nancy Brink, director of community and family services at a Pennsylvania funeral home. "If you get people out, get them laughing, participating in their lives, they are much more likely to continue to lead an active and fulfilling life."

Features editor Laura Johnston contributed to this report.

Support groups

Reclaiming Life after Loss

This group is for spouses and parents dealing with the loss of a child. The groups meet at 7 p.m. Aug. 14 in Room 101 at Southeast Missouri Hospital. Call Julie Metzger at 335-6208 for information.

Bereavement Support Group

This group offers emotional and spiritual support for people dealing with grief and loss. The next meeting is at 1 p.m. Aug. 15 in Room 102 at Southeast Missouri Hospital. Contact Connie Griswold, chaplain associate, at 651-5519.

Grief support group

This group meets on the last Thursday of each month in the Education Center at St. Francis Medical Center. The next meeting is at 7 p.m. Aug. 30. Contact Denise Essner at 651-4617 for information.