LETTERS: IT'S TIME FOR SOME NATIONAL HOOPLA

To the editor:

I have been thinking about this milking the cow thing, better known as Milkgate. I believe we are going to really miss the jersey if we don't milk this cow for all it's worth.

I see great potential for our city to reap huge benefits from this windfall. We could become famous for being known as the city that milks the cow. Song No. 11, "Milk Cow Blues Boogie," on Bill Swan's new CD, would become a No. 1 hit. Local folks would be asked to appear in television advertisements drinking a glass of milk, some with their left hand and some with their right.

People across America will be wearing T-shirts which ask the question, "Do you milk a cow from the left or the right?" One of our milk cows could become a celebrity right along with Melvin Gateley. I can even see a book in the works: "The Day the Milk Cow Died," a novel about a town that became prosperous overnight from publicity about a milking contest and the debate that followed.

Then the book becomes a movie. It is as big as "Titanic." Wow! I can't stand any more of this fantasizing. I think I have been reading too many of Steve Mosley's letters to the editor. It's scary. I am beginning to think and write like Steve. How could something like this ever happen?

It's probably those aliens from outer space Steve's been talking about. They put his strange creativity in my brain. Before I lose it all, permit me to make this famous quote: "Left ain't right, and right ain't wrong."

RON FARROW

Cape Girardeau