MISSOURIANA

Where were all those award-winning film editors when the Oscar awards presentations lasted longer than the Spanish-American War?

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If computers are the wave of the future, why do we have to wait to enter the new millennium until they are smart enough to print the year 2000?

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Bumper sticker: "Quayle -- He's Our Guye."

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Some casino companies want a statewide referendum permitting their boats to stay in moats. Gamblers can look forward to higher payouts between now and the election.

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The problem Missouri legislators face when they take off a week or two during the session is listening to questions about what they have done to become so tired.

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U.S. Sen. Christopher Bond is criticized for warning that Boeing might cancel some projects in Missouri. Bond promises he will keep quiet the next time he spots an approaching tornado.

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Lt. Gov. Roger Wilson quits the campaign to get elected as Missouri's governor in 2000. At least he didn't insult voters' intelligence by claiming his current job was too important to leave.