Some complaints are fun

The phone rang Thursday morning. On the other end was a Lovely Lady -- I could tell she was lovely by the way she stated her case.

Folks who call the editor usually have a complaint. And folks who are complaining tend to be on the -- How should I put this? -- grumpy side.

I'm the same way. If something bothers me enough to make a phone call to complain, I am not always the nice guy you all think I am.

My wife, on the other hand, always makes an effort to be nice when she calls to complain. Recently she received a credit-card bill showing she owed 19 cents after paying off the balance -- as she always does -- the previous month. For my wife, paying interest on a credit card ranks right up there with lighting a campfire with a $10 bill.

But, no, the rep said he wasn't authorized to make 19-cent adjustments. So my wife asked to speak to a supervisor. This, basically, is just asking for Muzak hell, but I hope you're getting a sense of how persistent she is -- as well as pinching every penny.

Eventually, a supervisor came on the line and tried to persuade my wife that the 19-cent charge somehow was her error.

Uh-oh.

The supervisor, of course, could not have known what she was getting into at that point. My wife's voice, which had been conversationally pleasant up to this point, took on a hard edge, something like the way a recently sharpened hatchet would sound if it could talk.

The supervisor's response was a nervous cough. It just so happened, she said, that she was empowered by the credit-card gods to remove the disputed 19 cents from my wife's bill.

"Thank you," my wife said in the sweetest voice you can possibly imagine.

So when the Lovely Lady called Thursday morning, I tried my dead-level best not to turn into a credit-card company's customer-service representative. I think I'd rather clean up after a parade led by a 20-mule team than work in the customer-service department of a credit-card company.

The Lovely Lady's concern was the daily crossword puzzle.

I thought I was in for it. I have learned, in my 40 years in this business, that a lot of things upset newspaper readers. But the worst thing you can do is mess with the crossword puzzle.

The Lovely Lady explained that she and her friends had noticed some of the crossword answers required misspelled words.

How could that be?

Her examples were "fleur-de-lys" and Admiral "Peary," which had shown up spelled that way in the following day's answer to the previous day's puzzle.

I had to admit I would have expected those answers to be "fleur-de-lis" and Admiral "Perry." But while we were talking, I did a couple of quick Google searches. Sure enough, I found hundreds of references to the alternate spellings.

So both the Lovely Lady and I learned something.

Which is a good way to end a phone conversation.

I have just one request: Would anyone with a complaint about the newspaper please let the Lovely Lady do the calling?

R. Joe Sullivan is the editor of the Southeast Missourian.