Mayhem has turned baseball into a real slobberknocker

dwilson

Is anyone actually in charge of Major League Baseball?

It looks like a total free-for-all. I'm waiting for Stone Cold Steve Austin to come running onto the field with a steel chair and take out a mascot. That is if he can get past the "heightened security."

Players are on an island all by themselves and they're surrounded by anybody and anything that wants to get to them. The only safe player on the field is the one at the plate, because he has a bat waiting on any charging fan.

Just last week a man was charged with a misdemeanor for throwing his cell phone at Rangers' outfielder Carl Everett. I guess it's not cool anymore to talk on your phone while in your car and then try to kill someone while not paying attention.

Of course it's hard to protect the players against outside attackers when they're constantly fighting each other (Tino and Miguel). But someone has to.

In last week's semissourian.com Web poll, more than 100 of you (37 percent) say you would take over MLB if given the opportunity to take over any major sports organization. I would too if I thought I could do a better job.

The business of baseball is not good (even if your name is George) and this is Bud's time to clean things up. MLB has more story lines than an Iraqi soap opera with no director. The PA announcer is calling his name, and it's time for Bud to step up to the plate.

It's time for me to step up to the plate and deliver your week ahead:

Today

Central and Notre Dame played a girls soccer game in the middle of a monsoon two weeks ago. Notre Dame won that game 1-0. This one could turn out the same way, especially since scoring-deficient Central is on the road. 7 p.m. But if you're in the mood for offense, Jackson crushed Sikeston 10-0 the last time these two met. If you like a lot of scoring, you might want to watch this one. 7 p.m.

Tuesday

Notre Dame has a way of picking the right time to get hot in every sport. The baseball Bulldogs face powerhouse Sikeston at home at 4 p.m. in their final tune-up game before Thursday's SEMO Conference Tournament.

Thursday

The SEMO Conference tournament begins and there are plenty of good teams to see: Central, Notre Dame, Jackson, Scott City, Chaffee, and Kelly all will be in Cape Girardeau competing at various fields a time to be determined.

Notre Dame and Jackson split their first two soccer meetings of the year. And the Bulldogs are on a seven game winning streak. Their last loss? Jackson beat them 4-0 in their own tournament over a month ago. Jackson goalie Whitney Werner has 11 shutouts this season (every game Jackson has won). This one is for all the sugar and rubber. 5:30 p.m. at Notre Dame

Friday

If you get the urge to run onto the Busch Stadium field for your five minutes of fame this weekend, remember this word before you do: Goos-fraab-baa. Its an anger management trick I learned from Jack Nicholson. The first 25,000 fans age 21 and over get a free Bud Light T-shirt. Expos at Cards 7:10 p.m.

Saturday

The Memphis Redbirds Foundation funds youth sports programs in the Mid-South including STRIPES (Sports Teams Returning In the Public Education System). To celebrate the success of the program, baseball caps will be given out before the Redbirds' game against the Sacramento River Cats at 2:05 p.m.

If the youngsters feel left out because they didn't get a T-shirt on Friday, they can get something at Busch Stadium. All fans 15 and under get a free Cardinals pennant. The Cards host the Expos at 1:10 p.m.

David Wilson is a sportswriter for the Southeast Missourian and a student at Central High School. His column appears every Monday.