Relatives of soldiers share war joys, fears

When you're the wife, mother, father, brother, sister, child or even aunt or uncle of someone in the military right now, it doesn't seem to matter whether they're in combat or anticipating deployment.

"Waiting for the phone call is just as bad," said Kim Dohogne, the ombudsman for the U.S. Naval Reserve Station in Cape Girardeau.

In war, worrying is part of the territory for those who must stay home.

Dohogne and 14 others with loved ones in the military met Friday night at Southeast Missouri Hospital to lend support to each other. Barb McKeon, a nurse who is the employee counselor at the hospital, started the meetings three months ago. She organized a similar group 12 years ago during Operation Desert Storm.

McKeon and her student counselor, Wanda McIntyre, are there to dispense information and to listen.

Brenda Elliott, a newly minted certified nurse assistant from Cape Girardeau, told of waking at 4 a.m. just after the war started, having dreamed that a son stationed in Korea had been killed. She had just called him to make sure he was still there, awakening him at 5 a.m.

"It's a mom thing," she told him. "I had to hear your voice."

Chris Moser and his wife, Kerrigan, were at the support group because Chris has a younger brother in the Screaming Eagles, the 101st Airborne known for raids behind enemy lines. In his last letter from the Persian Gulf, he said he preferred the British camp because they have microwave ovens and soda. Everybody laughed.

"Keep in mind that laughing is good for you," McKeon said. "Talking is good."

Crying, she said, releases tension.

"We must keep on going, and we must be here to help each other."

Janet Heise has a son in Kuwait, another still stationed in the United States. It helps to know where the son in the United States is, but "I'm still scared," she said.

Some are afraid to watch television because of what they might see but afraid not to watch because the television networks might talk to someone they love.

Pam Kelso, a nurse from Chaffee, Mo., has a nephew she thinks of as a son in the war. Whenever she sees an amphibious vehicle on television she wonders if that's him.

People who don't have someone over there don't always understand. "You start feeling like you are stupid because you're worrying about him."

This war is different for her than her own generation's war in Vietnam, said Linda Dirden, a teacher at Central High School. Because she has so many former students, she knows more people in this war than she knew in the Vietnam War. "This is more personal," she said.

McKeon gave everyone printouts from a Web site for Operation Military Support, which gives information about military care package restrictions.

The meeting ended with a prayer and the words "Keep us in your hands."

sblackwell@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 182