Gruden treasures trash

Jon Gruden, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers' coach, is as smart as a fox. At least, Red Foxx.

"You should see where I live," Gruden told the St. Petersburg Times, referring to all the souvenirs he picks up from NFL stadiums. "It's like 'Sanford and Son.' My wife doesn't understand the importance of these items.

"When it's time for me to go, I know my wife's dumping all that stuff in the coffin with me."

Gruden says he usually picks up a blade of grass or ticket stub while exiting the field as a memento. He says he kept a Gatorade cup from last year's NFC championship game and about 20 or 30 blades of grass from January's Super Bowl triumph.

Mrs. G -- Cindy -- must be thanking her lucky stars that hubby left Oakland, or her house would be full of Chucky dolls by now.

Legal briefs

With the New England Patriots releasing their Pro Bowl safety onto the open market, this ought to be a first: Big-bucks Lawyer makes NFL headlines -- and no sign of Al Davis.

Now that's fly-fishing

Haven't heard how the fish are biting on the Missouri River these days, but they're certainly jumping just fine.

Two state fisheries biologists -- one now minus a tooth -- have been smacked in the head by flying carp, imported algae-eaters from Asia that escaped from fish hatcheries during flooding in the past decade and that have reached 15 pounds locally.

"The sound of a propeller underwater makes these fish go crazy," Brian Todd, of the Missouri Department of Conservation, told the Moberly (Mo.) Monitor-Index and Evening Democrat.

"The fish don't jump if you're sitting there without the motor on, but the higher the RPMs, the greater the noise, the higher these fish jump."

In other words, respect these fish -- just don't give them their props.

Batter's box, ballot box

With Kansas City beating St. Louis 4-3 in the 1985 World Series but the Cardinals owning a 14-13 edge in interleague play, Missourians got their chance to vote for their favorite team at the state fair in Sedalia. The final tally: Royals 2,071, Cardinals 1,975.

Angry Cardinals fans immediately demanded to know how many times Don Denkinger voted.

Talking the talk

Danny Langsdorf, an Oregon State assistant football coach, to The Oregonian on his graduate-assistant role during Mike Riley's first head-coaching stint at OSU: "It would be about 1 in the morning. And on his way out the door he would tell me to work a couple more hours, then take the rest of the night off."

Only in Hollywood

Did you hear the one about the crazed hoops junkie who wanted a copy of Dick Vitale's College Basketball magazine so badly that he shoplifted it?

Seems he mistakenly heard that this year's marquee matchups included Winona-Rider.

-- Dwight Perry, The Seattle Times