Sideline Chatter 10/03/03

Can you ever get too much J. Lo?

If Boston doesn't end its World Series drought this year, chalk it up to the theory of same song, second curse.

"Do you know who narrated 'The Curse of the Bambino'?" wrote Mike Penner of the Los Angeles Times. "Ben Affleck. That's right. 'The Curse of Gigli' does 'The Curse of the Bambino'. Now the Red Sox curse has been doubly cursed.

"And we with it. Because we are the ones who will have to hear about it, over and over, for the next 85 years."

He's aluminum-foiled

Fearing that Edward Hoff, 15, hits the ball so hard he might hurt somebody, officials of a baseball league for 12- to 15-year-olds in Milford, Conn., have decreed he can no longer use an aluminum bat.

Hoff, complaining that his home-run production has plummeted, told the Connecticut Post: "I think it is unfair because I am the only player" restricted.

League officials, however, may rue the day they stuck a wood bat in Hoff's hands -- especially if he can lay hands on that Sammy Sosa batting-practice model.

Say what?

Carter Strickland of the Spokane Spokesman-Review after California receiver Jonathan Makonnen claimed USC players grabbed his genitals in pileups during the Bears' upset of the third-ranked Trojans: "So that's how Cal hit all the high notes."

Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle after Orlando star Tracy McGrady told Slam magazine that 5 percent of NBA players are gay: "McGrady doesn't name names, but I think we can rule out Shawn Kemp."

Tom Arnold, studio host of Fox's "Best Damn Sports Show Period," on why he went on a diet that's already trimmed 22 pounds: "One day I looked down and realized I had almost enough cleavage to be a sideline reporter for 'Monday Night Football.'"

Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle on Shaquille O'Neal's 65,000-square-foot home in Orlando, Fla.: "Interestingly, the house alone is now the 23rd-largest TV market in the country."

Gary Shelton of the St. Petersburg Times on Devil Rays outfielder Aubrey Huff escaping national acclaim despite a stellar season: "He couldn't get his name on 'SportsCenter' if he kidnapped Chris Berman, not that it's a horrible idea."

Having a bad-hair season

Jason Whitlock is no fan of that fade pattern that Raiders receiver Jerry Rice is running on top of his head.

"Jerry's going bald, but he won't accept it," the Kansas City Star columnist said on ESPN's "The Sports Reporters."

"He's been wearing some sort of cornrow/dreadlock combination hairstyle that makes him look like a balding Chia pet."

Think pink

Esure, a British insurance company, conducted a study of 70,000 auto claims and, broken down by car color, discovered that drivers in the pink-car group -- 25 percent of them -- had the highest incident rate. Next came black-car drivers (22 percent), followed by yellow/mauve (22) and silver (20).

In a related story, the winless Chicago Bears will switch to pink uniforms for Sunday's game, hoping it will improve their chances of hitting something.

-- Dwight Perry, The Seattle Times