Screen Time

Have you guys found a reason to go to the theater yet? Besides air conditioning? How about these?:

Harry Potter/ Prisoner of Azkaban

If you're a Harry Potter fan (a totally different reader than my column attracts), you're definitely ready for this. If you think you're too old for these, consider that Harry Potter's nemesis is a serial killer, and he's being played by GARY OLDMAN. He made Hannibal Lector look like a good guy in HANNIBAL. You know this ain't a cartoon, folks.

Chronicles of Riddick

Once in a while, sequels do manage to take an idea to the next level: ALIENS, for example. Matter of fact, that was a natural reference for the creators of PITCH BLACK (an Australian version of Alien) to crib from. Vin Diesel returns to the role that first put him in the action hero category, but this time the homicidal Han Solo's got the fate of the universe in his hands. If you haven't seen PITCH BLACK, don't worry. According to my sources, this is where the series REALLY begins.

Garfield

The comic strip cat that used to be on car windows everywhere is finally on the big screen. And it's not the animated series style, which looks just like the cartoon. Oh, no; they're doing a live-action SCOOBY-DOO type version. And they didn't even bring back Lorenzo Music; he IS the voice of Garfield (and Shedd's Spread)! Instead, they went with some guy named Bill Murray.

Stepford Wives

Nicole Kidman plays a woman whose shorter, insecure husband wants to turn her into a robot. Could anyone really play this role better than Kidman? Director Frank Oz (WHAT ABOUT BOB?, BOWFINGER, MUPPETS TAKE MANHATTAN) has a reputation for being a tempermental director. But really, if everybody kept asking you to talk in that Yoda voice, how would you feel?

The Terminal

Stephen Spielberg directs Tom Hanks in a story about a man dead to the world and stranded for years in the middle of nowhere... this time, the middle of nowhere's an airport terminal. But Hanks wants that third Oscar, dang it!

Around the World in 80 Days

You gotta understand something about this title; back when the book came out, they didn't have Mapquest. Jackie Chan and Steve Coogan (he's big in Britain, trust me) float around the world in a balloon. Along the way, they search for a lost idol, fight bandits and spies, and meet Arnold Schwartzenegger as the nutty leader of a nutty land.

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Remember the guy who makes those "Terry Tate, office linebacker" commercials? He's directing this movie, about the dodgeball version of the Miracle on Ice. Ben Stiller plays the over-the-top villain and Vince Vaughn has to play the normal guy. All is right in the world.

De-lovely

Cole Porter wrote the catchiest tunes of the 20's and 30's; his songs are the epitome of the musical term "standards". So, of course, his life story's going to be a musical. Kevin Kline's just the guy to play the part, too. May not hit Cape right away, but if CHICAGO found its audience, so should De-Lovely.

White Chicks

Eddie Murphy disguising himself as a white guy on SNL= hilarious. Martin Lawrence disguising himself as a big ol' grandma in BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE = hilarious. So why shouldn't the Wayans Brothers take it to the next level, masquerading as decoys for some wanna-be Hilton sisters (although they look more like the Hanson brothers on the poster.)

The Door in the Floor

Jeff Bridges and Kim Basinger are a couple whose lives and marriage need healing; a stranger enters their summer, and (according to the press release)'becomes the catalyst for the transformation of their lives.' I've heard that description for a bunch of Skinemax movies, too, but this is pedigree stuff. The story's based on a John Irving novel (Widow for a Year), and Bridges and Basinger guarantee that this is a break from the summer gimmick movies.

The late show at Wehrenberg this month is ARMY OF DARKNESS. Years before he was directing Spiderman movies, Sam Raimi told the legend of a hipper hero, the boom-stick wielding, super-chinned zombie fighter known as Ash. Army of Darkness is a watershed film, the line between Raimi's horror films (it's the end of the EVIL DEAD trilogy) and his flights of fantasy to come (he created the HERCULES and XENA TV series.) In this film, Ash is transported to the middle ages, fights his evil twin, and saves the world... I think. It's fun, and definitely worth seeing big-screen, so check in on the 18th and 19th.

And this summer's still getting started! Until next month: hail to the king, baby...