A life story in 15 years or less

I turn 24 on Tuesday. I think it's time I write my memoirs.

I was born in the southernmost tip of the contiguous states. I've been to all but four states in the Union. I went to school, and now I have a job at a newspaper.

Yep, that about sums it up. Put a cover on it and set it next to other great stories: Barbara Walters' "Audition: A Memoir" where she details her life off camera — talking about her father's money woes, having a mentally handicapped sister and her affair with a married man — or Julie Andrews' "Home: A Memoir of my Early Years," where she reveals her childhood was anything but supercalifragi, you know the rest of it.

Oh and then toss in Miley Cyrus's memoir, too.

Having lived almost a decade more than this teen bop, I feel perfectly justified in asking what the heck she is doing? Really? A memoir at 15?

Maybe she can combine her life with the fictional one of Hannah Montana, the only thing she's ever done to make her famous, and come up with enough experience to fill more than a chapter.

The girl hasn't even finished learning school lessons; how can anyone expect her to have life lessons? Maybe she's a fast learner and most of the book will be about the shame and embarrassment of a nearly nude photo — the only scandalous thing ever to cross her bio. And honestly, that was about as scandalous as a penguin in a Hawaiian shirt.

OK, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. Let's assume she has actually had some life-changing experiences and can offer some reflections deeper than a penny pool, does she really want to air her dirty pull-ups now? You've got to give it some time to sink in and affect your outlook on life.

Maybe she learned a lesson from ole dad and his pan flash of a career and she's trying to capitalize on her popularity while she's still got it. Another decade down the road and Montana will be back to being a beautiful state. One where I learned a few lessons between the ages of 1 and 5 — like how to walk and what rhubarb is.

Well, there's the prequel to my memoirs, "Chris: The First Five Years."