Stephanie Chartrau remembers thinking that the first nuns she saw wearing habits were simply adorable. And she told them so. Nearly three years later she's about to become one of them.

Chartrau is a postulant at the St. Francis Convent in Alton, Ill. She will become a novice Aug. 15 during a ceremony at the convent. From that day forward, she will be known to the world as Sister Bernadette.

For now, the 19-year-old wears a simple gray jumper, white collared shirt, black tights and Birkenstock-like sandals. In August, she will get a white veil and habit.

And she's thrilled to tell everyone about her decision to enter religious life.

Chartrau turns 20 on Tuesday. She's met other women at the convent her age, all of them ready to enter a life of service to their faith. But almost a year ago, she left behind family, friends, cell phones, pop culture and a chance at what society holds dear.

Her decision wasn't an easy one, but is one that seems right. She struggled with it. Her parents struggle -- and sometimes still do -- with her choice.

Her journey to the convent and Catholicism has been an interesting one that she shared Wednesday night with youth and college students at St. Mary's Cathedral Parish. Many in the crowd were former classmates and friends from Notre Dame Regional High School.

Chartrau began by explaining what her typical day is like -- rising at 4:40 a.m. for morning prayers and Mass before breakfast and work. She spends nearly two hours each day in class learning about Catholicism.

And the lessons are exciting for the young woman who began her religious journey as a Presbyterian.

As a young child, Chartrau and her parents attended a Presbyterian church in Sikeston, Mo., but then transferred membership to the First Christian Church. She professed a faith in Christ then but didn't really put her faith to the test.

After she transferred to Notre Dame Regional High School as a sophomore, she became serious about Catholicism.

"At the opening of school each year we have Mass, and I saw my first Mass there. I had no idea what it was but it was beautiful," she said. "I was in Brother David's office at least 30 minutes every day with questions about the faith."

By Easter 2003, she was ready to receive her first communion and confirmation.

Watching nuns

During that two-year search for a faith that fit her, Chartrau was thinking about devoting her life to God. She worked at Saint Francis Medical Center as a volunteer and would regularly see nuns visiting. "I would just watch them and I wanted what they had."

As she was learning about the Catholic faith, she was contemplating a vocation as a nun. "By the time I came to my senior year, I knew this was what I was supposed to do."

But seldom today do women graduate high school and become a nun, said Sister Susan Kienzler, an Ursuline nun who lives in Cape Girardeau.

Kienzler entered the convent immediately after graduating high school in Springfield, Ill. "But that's a little unusual today," she said.

Chartrau feels at peace with her decision, and it must show.

"I've seen people I used to work with or who knew me before and they all say I look so peaceful."

Her demeanor is calm, but to listen to her talk you can feel the energy she brings to the room. She explained that the past nine months have been like anticipating a child's birth. After all, she does become a new person -- Sister Bernadette.

Chartrau even talks in terms of a pregnancy. She spent nine months from the time of her acceptance into the convent until she arrived and then another nine at the convent as a postulant.

"It's like in the first trimester, I was just swooning," she said. She was elated about going to the convent. By the second three-month period, reality had set in and she knew there were things to do in preparation, spiritually and emotionally. In the final three months prior to entering the convent, "it was torture," she said.

"Now that it's happened and I look back on it, I think those were a good nine months. It seemed hard at the time, but those were growing moments."

She thinks the past nine months will seem the same when she reflects on them later. It's been hard to be away from her parents for so long -- they've come to Alton for visits, but until this week she hadn't been back home. She sometimes has doubts and fears, but that's normal.

During the tough times, Chartrau remembers her calling.

"It's about more growing moments when you become more than yourself. You become more like an offering."

She wants one day to be seen by a young sister who thinks of her as she does the retired nuns at the convent. "They have an intimate relationship when they pray. I want my life to be a beautiful prayer."

ljohnston@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 126