Editor's note: This is the last in a series of stories surrounding the pending execution of Russell Bucklew. If he does not receive a stay, Bucklew will die by lethal injection at 12:01 a.m. Wednesday. The Southeast Missourian will be covering his execution.

Dorothy Sanders says she can't quite bring herself to forgive the man who murdered her son, but she's content to leave his fate in someone else's hands.

"It's up to God what God does with him," she said in a telephone interview last week. " ... I don't forgive the guy, because I don't think I could ever do that, even though I'm supposed to. I'll just be glad when it's over with and leave the rest of it up to God and let him take care of it."

She won't be in Bonne Terre, Missouri, when Russell Bucklew is executed.

"I have no interest in that," she said. " ... I never asked for the death penalty anyway. All I wanted was for him just to be locked up."

The crime

In 1997, a Boone County, Missouri, jury convicted Bucklew of the 1996 murder of Sanders' son, Michael.

Bucklew shot Michael Sanders to death in front of his sons, John Michael, then 6, and Zach, then 4, before kidnapping Sanders' girlfriend, Stephanie Pruitt Ray, at gunpoint and raping her.

Ray, who was Bucklew's ex-girlfriend, and her two young daughters had been staying with Sanders while they hid from Bucklew.

Police caught up to Bucklew in St. Louis, but he later escaped from the Cape Girardeau County Jail and attacked Ray's mother and her boyfriend with a hammer before being recaptured.

Witnesses

John Michael and Zach Sanders plan to be there to witness Bucklew's execution, Dorothy Sanders said.

Her daughter will go, too, mostly to support the boys, and her brother-in-law plans to stand in for her husband, Jerry, who died in August, she said.

"The only regret I have is that my husband isn't alive to see it," she said.

Ray isn't alive to see it, either. In 2009, her estranged husband, John Shuffit, shot her to death at her home in Perry County, Missouri, before turning the gun on himself.

Former Cape Girardeau County prosecuting attorney Morley Swingle said Ray intended to be there for the execution.

She wanted her face to be the last thing Bucklew saw before he died, Swingle said.

Swingle originally planned to take an 8-by-10 photograph of Ray to the execution -- a way of carrying out her wish posthumously -- but he moved to Colorado last fall.

"It's just too far," Swingle said in a telephone interview last week. "If I'd have still been in Missouri, I would have [attended], because it meant so much to Stephanie to be the last thing he saw."

Closure

Dorothy Sanders isn't sure how she and her family will feel when it's over.

"I don't know if it's going to be a closure for anybody or not, knowing [Bucklew is] gone," she said.

After 18 years, she isn't waiting up to find out. Bucklew is scheduled for execution at 12:01 a.m. Wednesday.

"I won't be sitting up and waiting," she said.

If nothing else, Sanders said she hopes Bucklew's death will keep her from having to see his face on television or field phone calls from well-meaning people who inadvertently reopen old wounds every time they hear about the case, she said.

"When it comes up, we get people coming out of the woodwork," Sanders said. " ... They drag up something, and they drive you nuts with it. Once it's over with, there'll be no more of him popping up and somebody having to say something about it. ... Just maybe give us a little peace from people driving us crazy about it."

Surviving

Family and faith have kept Sanders going since her son's death, she said.

"My faith has gotten me through most of my life. This could eat you alive," she said. " ... It bothers me, but my faith gets me through everything. If I didn't have that, there's no telling what I might want to do."

Michael Sanders' sons help keep their father's legacy alive.

Zach seems to have inherited his father's passion for guitar, and John Michael shares his enthusiasm for martial arts -- and his looks, Dorothy Sanders said.

"It's kind of freaky, because I catch myself wanting to call him 'Michael,' but his name is John Michael," she said. " ... He looks like the spitting image of him, except I know it's not him."

Despite her own pain, Sanders expressed sympathy for Bucklew's parents as they face the loss of a child.

"I felt sorry for his family when the trial was going on, and his mother even came up to us and apologized. ... I feel sorry for them, because they're going to lose a son," she said. " ... He didn't just ruin one family's life. He ruined two, is what he did. He hurt a lot of people."

Still, Sanders said it bothers her sometimes to think about Bucklew living his life and receiving occasional visits from his family.

"Every so often, I think about him sitting in jail, getting up in the morning, putting his feet on the floor, walking around, and my son can't do that," she said. " ... Worst thing is he got visitors. That's something I can't do."

At this point, Sanders just wants it to be over, she said.

"I think that'll be the best -- get it over with. Then everybody can go back to as normal as what they could," Sanders said.

epriddy@semissourian.com

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