Great truths and humor

Great truths:

• A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw
• A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy
• Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard, civil libertarian (1994)
• Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Casey, classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
• Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke, civil libertarian
• Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan (1986)
• I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Rogers
• If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free! -- P.J. O'Rourke
• In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire (1764)

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Five best sentences:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation!

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"It is so important for the American people to understand that the presidential candidate who campaigned on transparency and open government turned out to be the most consistently secretive president in living memory. And they must understand that this president's contempt for the rule of law and for the American people's right to know presents a corrosive, lasting and dangerous threat to our representative democracy!

"Remember, as a candidate, Barack Obama said: 'I promise 100 percent transparency in my administration;' 'I will allow five days of public comment before I sign any bills;' and 'I'll put the health-care negotiations on C-Span so everyone can see who is at the table.'

"Incredibly, President Barack Obama and his administration violated every one of these pledges that he made to the American people."

-- Tom Fitton, Judicial Watch

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The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. He is at the pearly gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into heaven."

Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter continues, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions. First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest replies, "Well the first one -- which two days in the week begin with the letter T? Shucks, that one is easy -- that would be today and tomorrow."

The saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one: How many seconds in a year?"

"Now that one is harder," Forrest replies, "but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be 12."

Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in heaven's name could you come up with 12 seconds in a year?"

Forrest replies, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve; January second, February second, March second ..."

"Hold it,' St. Peter interrupts. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind. But I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name?"

"Sure," Forrest replies. "It's Andy."

"Andy?!" exclaims an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replies. "I learnt it for the song, 'Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own.'"

St. Peter opens the pearly gates and says, "Run, Forrest. Run."

Lord, give me a sense of humor

Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,

To get some humor out of life,

And to pass it on to other folks!

-- Author unknown

Gary Rust is the chairman of the board of Rust Communications.