MARRIAGE SAVERS ON TRACK; CHURCHES OFFER COUNSELING

It is too early to see any significant results, but area pastors say a community-wide Marriage Savers policy may be helping reduce the divorce rate in Cape Girardeau County.

Marriage Savers isn't a policy to keep couples from marrying but to keep them married, said the Rev. Wes Wright, pastor of Mount Auburn Christian Church.

Statistics show that nearly half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. In Cape Girardeau County, the divorce rate rose from 5.3 in 1995 to 6.1 in 1996. In 1996, 402 couples divorced compared to 343 the previous year.

Nearly 30 churches adopted the Marriage Savers policy two years ago. The policy encourages couples to seek premarital counseling at least four months prior to a wedding.

Cape Girardeau was the first city in Missouri to adopt the policy. Nearly 55 other cities around the nation have adopted similar policies.

"We're helping couples," said the Rev. Mark Anderson, pastor of Lynwood Baptist Church. "We're not saying you can't get married."

Under the policy, a local pastor must meet with a couple for counseling before performing the marriage ceremony. The four sessions of counseling include an inventory test and discussion on the scriptural basis of marriage.

Premarital counseling isn't new for churches. For years many pastors have been counseling couples prior to a wedding. Now the policy makes the effort more unified.

The Rev. Ron Watts, pastor of LaCroix United Methodist Church, said engaged couples in his congregation expect that counseling is required before a ceremony can be performed.

In the past year, Watts has had two couples come to him prior to an engagement and say they wanted counseling.

Although it is somewhat rare for a couple to seek the counseling that early, it is beneficial, Anderson said.

"Engagement isn't really the time to plan a wedding," he said. "It's the time to decide if this is who you want to spend the rest of your life with. It's time to address the deeper things of the marriage relationship."

Often the engagement is well under way and the wedding plans nearly complete before a couple realize they need a minister to perform the service.

With the Marriage Savers policy, pastors are helping couples plan a lifetime investment. "You have to take a stand and build a marriage that will last a lifetime," Wright said. Now couples are looking at marriage for what it is, not just getting a Christian marriage as an afterthought.

A negative aspect of premarital counseling comes when a couple realize they aren't suited for a life together. "But I'd much rather see a broken engagement than a broken marriage three or four years later," Wright said.

During past decades, the nation's divorce rate steadily increased. It seemed the church wasn't addressing the issue of divorce or its problems, Anderson said.

"We realized we have to do something on the front end," Anderson said. "We have to do more than say it's wrong when we preach from the pulpit."

Premarital counseling isn't the only solution, but it is a first step in solving the problem.

However, it isn't the only aspect of the local Marriage Savers plan. Married couples are encouraged to attend couples' conferences to strengthen their relationship.

"The value of the premarital counseling is that I already have ties to that couple," Anderson said. When they encounter problems later, "it may be easier for them to call and say we need help."

The next step in the plan will be to find longer married couples to serve as mentors to newlyweds, Anderson said.

"In a growing church the pastor can't assume the responsibility entirely," he said.

The policy encourages churches to work together, which in turn strengthens the community while helping couples strengthen their marriage, pastors say.

MARRIAGE SAVERS POLICY

Churches have agreed to these minimum expectations:- Encourage youth and single adults to practice premarital abstinence.- A minimum of four months of premarital preparation.- A minimum of four premarital counseling sessions with one devoted to the use of a premarital test or inventory, and one devoted to the scriptural understanding of marriage and divorce.- Networking "helping couples" in each congregation, training them to work as role models and counselors with engaged and newly married couples.- Encourage attendance at an Engaged Encounter weekend or similar experience for engaged couples to improve communication skills and to establish their marriage with God at the center.- At least two post-marital counseling sessions with clergy or mentor couples six months after the wedding and one year after the wedding.- Encouragement for all married couples to attend a couples retreat.- Develop a marriage ministry of mentoring couples whose marriage once nearly failed, to work with troubled marriages.