OPRYLAND: EVERYTHING'S UNREAL EXCEPT THE 9 ACRES OF INDOOR PLANTS

Emmylou Harris performs at the Grand Ole Opry.

A cruise on the Cumberland River aboard the General jackson is one of the high lights of a trip to Opryland.

NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- The Opryland Hotel is a bit like New Orleans without the crime.

There are nine acres of exotic plant life, shops that sell beignets and are painted to look like they belong on a street in New Orleans' Vieux Carre, cascading waters and even an indoor river that carries flatboats on sightseeing trips.

The unreality comes with nice touches, though. The pillars in the hotel's new Delta section are painted to look as if the creek had been up on them at sometime before. And many of the hotel's 2,883 guest rooms have balconies that open onto the lush gardens. All this is enclosed by a 150-foot-high glass roof that keeps the real weather outside and the perfect plant and people weather inside.

Inside are 30 shops, 15 lounges and 10 restaurants, including the four-star Old Hickory Restaurant. Or there's room service, but $3.25 for a glass of orange juice is indicative of the price to be paid for luxury..

Late-night dining at one of the outdoor-indoor restaurants is a balmy Hawaii-like experience. Afterward you can walk among the palms and ferns knowing no mugger is lurking.

If it's a all a trifle unreal, like Disneyland, a hotel connected to a theme park could do worse.

Nearby Opryland has reconfigured rides and new shows for the 1997 season. The major ride change is in The Skycoaster, which has been moved to the center of the park.

The ride combines the experiences of skydiving and hang-gliding, dropping fliers at 60 mph from a 173-foot arch.

Another popular ride is The Hangman, an inverted roller coaster that turns riders upside down and peaks at 104 feet off the ground.

Also new this year is "Dick Clark's American Bandstand Classics," a tribute to the classic songs of the '60s, '70s and '80s.

Headliners scheduled at the park's 4,000-seat theater this summer include Pam Tillis, Diamond Rio, Little Richard, Martina McBride, Waylon Jennings, the Temptations and Sandi Patty.

Admission is $28.99 for adults, $25.99 for seniors and $19.99 for children 4-11. Children 3 and under get in free.

A buffet cruise on the Cumberland River aboard the General Jackson is a popular Opryland activity, even for Nashville residents. Steve Hall, his puppet Shotgun Red and the Shotgun Red Band serve up a buffet of corny jokes and silly fun that will have you laughing tears into your dessert.

The cornerstone of Opryland, of course, is the Grand Ole Opry. Most of the performers have been in the country music business a long time, leading some to deride the Grand Ole Opry as "an old folks home."

Chances are Porter Waggoner and his suit of lights will be there, and Grandpa Jones wearing boots nearly as old as he is. But the Grand Ole Opry is a family, and that's why Skeeter Davis was there singing recently even though she's fighting cancer.

You must go to the Grand Ole Opry if only to have done it.

The Opryland Hotel is the largest combined hotel and convention center in the world. Entertaining? Need hospitality trays, bartenders, flowers, fruit baskets? They can be provided. Whatever you're looking for, chances are you can find it at Opryland.