ROOMMATES

Cliff and Dan roomed together last semester. Dan and Dennis roomed together a few semesters ago. Now, Dan, Dennis and Cliff are rooming together.

"It's a little confusing," laughed Cliff Sodergren, explaining the sequence of events that has led to solid friendship. The three share a room in Myers Hall at Southeast Missouri State University.

Rooming together, whether in a university dormitory, in an apartment or in a house is often a decision with a financial foundation. Companionship and even lasting friendship -- like that shared by Dan, Dennis and Cliff -- can be welcome outcomes from roommate arrangements.

But roommates shouldn't expect to become instant best friends, and even friends sharing a space together for the first time should beware of the pitfalls, those acquainted with such living arrangements say.

"Communication is the key," said Patricia Volp, assistant vice president for student development at Southeast Missouri State University. "The worst thing is to assume they know what you're thinking."

Freshmen getting their first taste of sharing space with a non-family member face challenges for which they often have little experience.

"The generation that's coming to college rarely has ever shared a room with anyone," Volp explained. "One of the greatest mistakes I see is that they expect their roommate to be their very best friend."

Those kind of close friendships can evolve, but it doesn't happen overnight.

Dennis Williams and Dan Record were assigned as roommates a few semesters ago. Williams said, "We were two total strangers when we were living there. Finally it came to the point that we had to figure out what the other one was about."

He chuckled, remembering the evening he and Record finally began talking. "We talked forever," he said. That's when their friendship began.

Sodergren of Gilman, Ill., and Williams of House Springs are juniors at the university, interested in engineering, physics and criminal justice, respectively. Record of Benton just completed his nursing degree and is working toward a master's degree in physical therapy.

Imperative to a good roommate relationship is a sense of humor, Record said, adding: "You've got to be able to laugh at yourself, at each other, with each other."

For the three young men with diverse interests who met at Southeast, the Christian faith they share has bonded the friendship.

"We've kind of got a natural sense of keeping each other in line, helping each other out," Sodergren said. "There's a lot of give and take."

Elsewhere in Cape Girardeau, two roommates from a different generation make a similar observation.

"Anytime you deal with people, it's a give and take if you get along with them; you can't have everything your way," Norman Slinkard said.

Slinkard and Dale Angle began sharing Slinkard's house as roommates in November, when both men's housing plans were in transition.

"We've got a good set up," Slinkard said. "He goes and does what he wants when he gets ready, and I do the same thing." Both retired and widowers, Slinkard and Angle have been acquainted about 12 years.

"I appreciate his company," Slinkard said. "We get along well I think."

Shared responsibility is part of any successful relationship. A roommate is not immune to feelings of being taken for granted, Volp said, adding: "It's not terribly unusual for one roommate to feel like they've been stuck."

Carol Coventry, director of residence life at Southeast, said, "We encourage them to maybe write a roommate contract, to think about some things before they get here."

Though Slinkard and Angle are far removed from university life, they recognize the value of shared responsibility. Their housekeeping arrangements are informal, but understood. When it comes to cooking, Slinkard said, "I think I'm assigned to that job." About Angle, Slinkard said, "He washes a lot of dishes," adding after a pause, that he's just about good at anything he does.

"He makes the mess and I clean it up," Angle interjected, chuckling.

Finding a roommate isn't always as easy as it was for Angle and Slinkard. But for many reasons, ranging from help with housing expenses to the human need for simple companionship, many people from all walks of life find themselves looking for a roommate at some point in their life.

Ways of finding a roommate are varied. Karen Byrum, a real estate professional, has taken the plunge and advertised in print for someone to share her home.

"So far, I've had no strange calls," she said one afternoon last week. She admits a tinge of apprehension at placing an ad for a roommate. "I advertised once before, and I have to admit that I did get some strange calls," she said. "But this time, so far, so good."

"I've had several calls, there are a couple of ladies that sounded pretty interested, she said. "Something might work out before the end of the week."

Byrum screens the callers with care. Her search for a roommate is primarily aimed at helping cut back on expenses; nevertheless, simple companionship can be a nice outcome from roommate arrangements.

"I had a roommate a couple of years ago," Byrum said. "It was really neat because there was always someone around in the evenings to talk to."

"The key thing is, get to know who you're rooming with," Williams said. It's a philosophy that has worked for him and the people with whom he shares living space.

"It's not like we're individuals anymore," he said. "It's like we're a family."