STAY-AT-HOME MOMS

Jean Mocherman and her sons, Jack, left, and Luke, drew pictures with chalk on the driveway at their home.

Martha Golden and son Ben listened as daughter Carrie played the piano in their home.

Deciding what is best for the family can be a tough call.

Because of financial constraints, many mothers don't have a choice regarding whether to earn a paycheck. Some who do have options know that working outside the home is the best choice for them and their children. Conversely, for some moms, staying at home with their children is the only real choice.

Just as circumstances change, so may what feels right for each family.

Late last spring Ann Knight made a major change: She decided to stay home with her young son and daughter, leav~ing the full-time workforce and a career in which she had invested 13 years.

"I wanted that last summer before Elizabeth started school," Knight said. "I wanted that summer, just to enjoy it."

Plus, said Knight, "Alex had turned 4 in March, and it seemed like I just needed to slow down -- I needed a change."

Although she and her husband, David, were confident in her decision, leaving her account-executive job in the advertising department of the Southeast Missourian was difficult. Work was her friend, Knight said.

"I think it's so hard for women because people are so cut-and-dried about staying home or not staying home," Knight said. "I think you've just got to be there for your kids, and everybody can do it a different way. You can be so guilt-ridden if you're working or not working."

Whether a mom is at home with her children or in the workforce, both face challenges in their jobs, said John Cooley, counselor with the Community Counseling Center. After all, he said, both are working moms.

"Both have their own unique challenges they have to face," he said. "The stress and lack of family time is not really that different."

Prioritizing, setting personal limits and concentrating on what is going right with the family rather than any perceived shortcomings are positive steps for families of all designs, he explained.

Jean Mocherman knew she wanted to be home with her infant son, Jack, shortly after returning part-time to her former full-time job at a hospital near Springfield. "I felt like I was doing both things 50 percent," Mocherman recalled.

Mocherman, who holds a degree in personnel and counseling, became a stay-at-home mom, and just over a year ago she and her husband, Matt, had a second son, Luke. Their first son, Jack, is 3 1/2 years old. The family moved to Cape Girardeau last December.

Knight and Mocherman stressed the importance of a support system for stay-at-home moms. Both said close communication with family and friends is invaluable.

They've set up a support system of their own: They're not only neighbors but also close friends -- and so are their children.

Martha Golden knows how important it is for stay-at-home moms to have support systems. She's been helping provide a kind of support for other moms since 1991 when she became director of a new Mothers' Day Out program at Lynwood Baptist Church in Cape Girardeau.

"If they're home all the time with their kids, they need some time to do their own things or just go grocery shopping by themselves," Golden said. "I think a lot of people are surprised how busy they are."

For years Golden's goal was to stay at home with her children, Carrie and Ben, now fifth- and second-graders, respectively.

When her daughter started kindergarten, she and husband, Brad, decided to give it a try. Financially, she said, "It was kind of scary."

Golden does not feel pressured to rejoin the workforce outside of the home. "After my son started school, I thought about going back, but I decided I'm busy enough keeping up with their activities. And I enjoy being at home when they get home from school, and in the summer," Golden said.

For Mocherman, it's the little things that happen day to day that bring the most enjoyment. "I feel like I'm not missing out: I see their first steps, their first accomplishments," she said.

An active sense of humor can come in handy on the stay-at-home front. After all, chuckled Mocherman, "If you get the bathroom cleaned or vacuumed, you feel like you've accomplished something."

"I never knew what it was like to stay home, and now I know," Knight said. "I did think I would have more time," she said, echoing Golden's recollections of her first months at home with the kids.

Expectations like perpetually clean closets, batches of freshly baked cookies and dozens of organized, preplanned projects with the kids have gone by the wayside for the most part, Knight explained. "People get so wrapped up in 'I'm not doing this with my kids,' or 'I'm not doing that,'" she said. "I found if we tried to do all that it just stressed everybody out."

Instead, quiet time -- minus the TV -- has gained focus in her household. "The best thing I think we do is sit and read a book," Knight said.

As for her summer at home with Elizabeth and Alex: "It was wonderful. I can't say any of my closets are clean or my garage, but, yes, it was wonderful. Some of the best days we had were when we just stayed at home."