`VOLUNTEERS': HOSPICE WORK `MAKES A DIFFERENCE'

CAPE GIRARDEAU -- As volunteers go, Sue Russell and Anita Baker are two of the most giving.

They hold hands with, listen to, and cry with terminally ill patients and their families. And they try to help them get through one of the toughest emotional trials of life: losing a loved one.

"It's just something we do that makes us feel like we've made a difference," said Russell. "I feel like there is a real emotional need there for us."

Russell and Baker are two of about 50 volunteers in the hospice program at Southeast Missouri Hospital. Both have been with the program since its inception in 1985.

They act as support people for terminally ill patients and their families, often visiting their homes at least once a week throughout the duration of the illness. They often provide support for the family even after the patient has died.

They are there for families to talk to, or just to help out with the duties associated with the care of the terminally ill. It's a task the two admit is sometimes very difficult.

"I think to do this you have to look at your own mortality," Russell, a mother of two and a registered nurse said. "You have to realize that everyone's going to die."

But looking at it in a logical way instead of emotionally isn't always enough. She said faith in God is essential.

"Without my faith, I don't think I could offer any hope, and hope is what sustains me."

Baker said that having someone to talk to, who isn't a family member, is often what the family needs to prepare themselves for the loss of a loved one.

"People want to deny that this is happening," she said. "In some cases, they can't really talk with other members of the family because they want to protect them from the pain. Everyone is trying to protect everyone else."

She said talking about the pain and getting feelings out in the open helps move the grieving process along.

"They need to deal with their anger. A lot of them feel guilty for feeling angry, for asking God why. But they need to know that God understands even our anger," she said.

"The dying process is unlike anything else," Russell said. "People really take inventory of their lives, and I'm there to talk to them about that."

Both Baker and Russell said that talking about feelings of loss and anger, along with the practical aspects of the terminal process like funeral arrangements and what life will be like when the loved one dies often helps families cope.

"Once they get to the point that they can talk, it's like a weight has been lifted," Russell said. "Now they can concentrate on other things. We encourage them to accept what's going to happen."

Each hospice volunteer receives 20 hours of special training, which deals with communication skills, patient-care principles, patient and family needs, death and dying and the bereavement process, said Nancy Mattingly, coordinator of the hospice program.

Hospice services are available to patients in the counties of Cape Girardeau, Scott, Stoddard, Bollinger and Perry. Mattingly said additional volunteers are always needed for the program.

Before entering the extensive training program, volunteers are interviewed by the hospice coordinator to assess their feelings and sensitivity about death.

Spiritual counseling is also available to the volunteers through the hospital's Pastoral Care Department, Baker said.

Though neither Baker nor Russell have had a member of their immediate families die from an illness, many of the volunteers have.

Both Baker and Russell say some cases are harder than others.

Baker said a particularly difficult case was one in which a wife was losing her husband. The couple's only child lived in Arizona, and Baker served as not only an emotional support, but also helped the wife care for the husband. She was at their home almost daily.

"She really needed help with the physical part of taking care of him, and she didn't want to be alone," Baker said. "It was a draining experience, yet one of the most rewarding. She was very close to my own age."

Russell said she's occasionally doubted her emotional strength, something she said is helped by support she receives from her own family.

"When I become really close to a patient and family, it is extremely painful when the death happens," she said. "I sometimes wonder if it's worth it to continually and voluntarily put myself in a situation where I experience grief and pain.

"But I feel like I'm helping others, and that's what keeps me going."

Long-lasting friendships and a personal feeling of satisfaction are some of the rewards of being a hospice volunteer, Baker said. She and Russell have remained close to many of the families they have helped in the past five years.

"You become like family to them, that's really one of the benefits," Russell said. "They are amazed that someone can come in and care so much."