TELLING THE FUTURE, A SPECIAL FOOTBALL CAMP, A LAWYERLY GREETING -- AND MORE

Unforeseeable future: Who in the year 1000 could have imagined the course of events over the next millennium? Nothing in that world could have let people foresee the world of today.

Who in 1700 could have predicted the events of the next 100 years: the Enlightenment, Britain's beating France for control of all of North America, the American Revolution whereby a people created a new nation based on principles inchoate a century before, the French Revolution and the Reign of Terror and the rise of nationalism?

Who in 1800 could have prophesied the world of 1900? This span of time probably saw more fundamental changes than any comparable period: steam replacing horse power, the invention of the telegraph and telephone, skyscrapers, the shrinking of the globe so that one could eat food grown thousands of miles away, mass migrations of people on a scale unmatched since, the expansion of an increasingly democratic America that abolished slavery, and enormous worldwide population growth.

Who in 1900 could have foreseen the hideous ideologies that would kill countless millions of people and nearly destroy civilization? Who 20 years ago, given the bloody history of this era, could have predicted the bloodless collapse of the Soviet Union and the emergence of America as the globe's only superpower, a position of influence never before seen in human history?

Ten years ago, how many people had heard of the Internet? If you had typed the word Internet into a spellchecker, the software would have told you that there is no such word.

All of this is by way of saying we can't foresee the future except to say that we humans will continue to astonish ourselves by our behavior and misbehavior, our deeds and misdeeds. Let us hope that the advances of recent times will reawaken a sense of awe and well-being, that we will rest easy in the knowledge that there is indeed a God and that we will rediscover and reinvigorate the principles - however imperfectly adhered to -- that created this nation: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. -- Steve Forbes, Forbes Magazine

* * * * *

This should be a sellout after this year's RAM'S SUCCESS.

St. Louis Rams join All-Pro Isaac Bruce for youth program: Several of the St. Louis Rams will join with All-Pro Isaac Bruce to present a very unique football camp next summer. Boys ages 8-18 will have a rare opportunity to learn football from NFL greats such as Kurt Warner, Torry Holt, Marshall Faulk, Azzahir Hakim, Kevin Carter, Mike Gruttadauria, Grant Wistrom, Orlando Pace, Ray Agnew and many more. Isaac Bruce will be at camp all day, every day. The program will be June 16-20 at Southern Illinois University-Edwardsville. Over the years, the Isaac Bruce Football Camp has developed a national reputation for being the best youth football camp in the United States. Bruce's camp is designed as a skills camp and more. Emphasis is placed on teaching each boy proper football skills and the importance of being a better person. "Our main goal is to send each boy home a better citizen with a more positive outlook on life," said Bruce. "We will also teach them how to be a better football player." Enrollment is limited. For more information call 1-800-555-0801 or go to www.footballcamps.com

I'm convinced that the winners in life and in football are those who overcome turnovers, fumbles and mistakes and keep on working ("gotta get to work") for the achievement of the goals they set.

* * * * *

Only a lawyer could write the following holiday greeting verbiage. -- GWR

To all of you and yours: Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, nonaddictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all ... and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2000, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the western hemisphere), religious faith, choice or computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.) -- Judge A.J. Seier, Retired

* * * * *

Getting old:

1. Raising teen-agers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

2. There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

3. The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.

4. Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

5. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

6. Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

7. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not for the toy.

8. My mind not only wanders. Sometimes it leaves completely.

9. If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

10. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

* * * * *

From a reader's letter: Perhaps the following stats may be of interest for a future editorial:

Can you imagine working at the following company? It has a little over 500 employees with the following statistics:

29 have been accused of spousal abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad checks

117 have bankrupted at least two businesses

3 have been arrested for assault

71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 are current defendants in lawsuits

In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving

Can you guess which organization this is? Give up? It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.

* * * * *

Greetings: Attached are some smiles that have gone around a few times but are worth repeating. I sometimes like to imagine just what the person is like who would place these in the classified. Some, I'm sure, are gifted in sales. Also, I would like to know if the ad actually resulted in a sale. Gotta' make you wonder. Have a blessed day!

Rev. Tony offers some real ads found in the classifieds:

Free Puppies: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel-1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's dog

Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Unpleasant little dog.

1 Man, 7 Woman Hot Tub-$850/offer

Amana Washer $100: Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.

Snow Blower for Sale: Only used on snowy days.

Free Puppies: Part German Shepherd-Part stupid dog.

2 wire mesh butchering gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

Cows, Calves Never Bred...Also 1 gay bull for sale

Full-sized mattress: 20 yr. warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell

Nordic Track $300-Hardly used-Call Chubbie

Found: Dirty white dog. Looks like a rat. Been out awhile. Better be reward.

Get a Little John: The Traveling Urinal. Holds 2 1/2 bottles of beer.

Nice Parachute: Never opened -- used once -- slightly stained

Joining Nudist Colony! Must sell washer & dryer $300

Lawyer says client is not that guilty.

Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are!

A cheerful heart is good medicine (Proverbs 17:22a)

* * * * *

Interesting anagrams: An anagram, as you all know, is a work or phrase made by rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has way too much time to waste or is deadly at Scrabble.

WORD RERRANGED

Dormitory Dirty Room

Desperation A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code Here Come Dots

Slot Machines Cash Lost in 'em

Animosity Is No Amity

Mother-in-law Woman Hitler

The Public Art Galleries Large Picture Halls, I Bet

Eleven Plus Two Twelve Plus One

Contradiction Accord Not in It

Astronomer Moon Starer

Princess Diana End Is a Car Spin

And here is the most intriguing part:

Year Two Thousand A Year to Shut Down

~Gary Rust is president of Rust Communications, which owns the Southeast Missourian and other newspapers.