MISSOURIANA

Despite the phenomenal home-run hitting of Mark McGwire, the St. Louis Cardinals aren't doing well in the standings. It's like the banker's wife going hungry.

* * * * *

When no one was looking, Missouri legislators voted a big increase in their pensions, which may anger voters enough to let lawmakers begin collecting early.

* * * * *

One of the disadvantages of training children how to study by computers is that they may be able to learn the facts of life before they can read the adults-only warning.

* * * * *

If this year's session of the Missouri Legislature was so successful, why has another one already been scheduled for next January?

* * * * *

Jefferson City is the only place in the world where politicians could devise a plan to end huge school desegregation payments that will wind up costing even more.

* * * * *

Leave it to the civic leaders of St. Louis to find a way to increase traffic in the downtown area. Why didn't someone think of road construction and damaged bridges before now?