MISSOURI WATCH: UNFORSEEN CONSEQUENCES OF VOTING

Elections are like a rabid porcupine at a sewing bee.

When voters go to the polls, or as more often the case when they don't go to the polls, the most frequently overlooked consequence is that ballots change more than names and faces: they often produce unforeseen consequences that have a significant effect on the way we are governed and the way we live our lives. The recent general election is a case in point. Indeed, the end results of the Nov. 3 referendum have proved to be more startling than the news of who was elected and how constitutional issues were decided.

Except for a few extremely close contests, the initial returns from the biennial election were recognizable and predictable days, even weeks, before the official returns were tabulated. In Missouri, statewide and congressional contests seemed to have been foreordained before the ballots were even printed. There were almost no surprises and none was expected, so the rare upset seemed startling, even miraculous.

As for the constitutional amendments, again the results were predictable, even if room was made for an unanticipated upset. None occurred, so it was business as usual.

The seemingly single surprise of the election was the generally unexpected strength of Democratic candidates around the country, not anticipated because of ongoing scandals created by the party's leader and the nation's president, and the seeming continued strength of the Republican majorities in both houses of Congress. As returns came into focus, it became obvious that the party of Blemished Bill had achieved some kind of electoral miracle by winning opposition congressional seats in an off-year election while occupying the Oval Office. The last time this happened was 1934, during early days of the New Deal when the GOP was close to being declared terminally deceased. If this ever received mention before the election, no one seemed able to identify the wise man; it was certainly never made, nor expected, by this writer.

But the gain of a handful of seats -- five to be exact -- in the lower chamber of Congress seemed to change the seemingly unchangeable. Three days after he had declared there was no unrest over his leadership among GOP congressional followers, the second most powerful officeholder in the federal government said he was stepping down as a result of unrest over his leadership. House Speaker Newt Gingrich, the man who gave America its very own contract announced he was ending his job contract with Congress and would later declare he was going to pick up bag and baggage and move back to the civilian world. Talk about post-election traumatization.

At this point, Republicans who promised a kinder and nicer Congress began getting in line to outpacify their competitors, and who should show up in that line but a kinder and nicer Missourian, former state legislator Jim Talent of St. Louis County, known for his ability to get along with the opposition. While earlier giving consideration to running for governor, the relatively obscure fourth-termer turned his sights on succeeding Newt, then changed his mind again and opted to support a Louisiana congressman who gave us the weeks-late, pork-laden federal budget. Stay tuned for Career Plan No. 4.

And who would have imagined that another Missouri Republican, the junior U.S. senator from the Show-Me State, would feel considerable cold water on his early-bird attempts to run for the presidency in 2000? First came the Missouri election-day exit poll which, for some reason, asked voters whether they thought John Ashcroft would make a good president, with the results being more than 50 percent negative. Then came disavowals against so-called wedge politics, as practiced by extremists on both sides of the aisle but which now seems to be verboten among the make-nice Republicans. Since Ashcroft has specialized in instantaneous attacks on a badly wounded president and has advanced the full agenda of the Christian Coalition, there are now announcements that he is rethinking his road map to the presidency through political piety.

No doubt emboldened by his party's "victory" that nevertheless continues its minority status in both houses of Congress, the governor of Missouri then announced that he will run two years from now for the job of his immediate predecessor, Sen. Ashcroft. For readers who wade through the error-prone columns of a St. Louis gossip reporter, Carnahan's announcement was not a big surprise; readers who ignore this strange source of political announcements were caught off-guard. The state should not be prepared for a continuous two-year Senate campaign.

The beliefs that are accorded the altogether inaccurate designation of political wisdom took another post-election leap with the strange conclusion that the still-minority status of Democrats in Congress somehow buoyed the presidential aspirations of another Missourian, Rep. Dick Gephardt of St. Louis. This unlikely bit of Falstaffian wisdom seems based on the questionable logic that losers become winners by losing.

As for results from the presumably unimportant constitutional amendments that attracted the attention of less than half of Missouri's registered voters, life will change little, although this should not be interpreted as a prediction life will get better. Approval of "boats in moats" will quicken the pace of new bankruptcy venues for wage earners; the new no-vote limits for local school levies will heighten the level of unfairness for low-income and middle-income property owners; at least future generations will have to go to less enlightened states to witness the barbaric practice of battling chickens.

It would seem unreasonable to assume an exchange of five seats in one chamber of the U.S. Congress with a membership of 435 would produce such diverse and unexpected results. This is particularly true for those whose only wish on Nov. 3 was to see the last of the junior U.S. senator from New York. And, finally, a hoarse cheer for Governor-elect Jesse Ventura.

~Jack Stapleton of Kennett is the editor of Missouri News and Editorial Service.