MISSOURI WATCH: ON THE LINE WITH HARRY TRUMAN

Taking advantage of First Lady Hillary Clinton's recent foreign tour to countries where opposition reporters and commentators are routinely executed, I placed a call the other day to the Foundation for Mind Research, the home of psychic researcher Jean Houston. For those with short memories, Ms. Houston is the psychic coach of Mrs. Clinton, helping her to carry on imaginary conversations with the late Eleanor Roosevelt.

When Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward revealed in his latest book about the Clintons, "The Choice," that the first lady was conversing on occasion with a woman who has been dead for more than a quarter of a century, there was a connection made between Hillary and Nancy Reagan, who used the services of a psychic to arrange President Reagan's trips and even his appointments to federal jobs. True to Clinton tradition, Hillary denied she was getting psychic advice, claiming that when she conversed with Houston, she didn't inhale.

For some time now I have been trying to get in touch with one of Missouri's distinguished citizens in an effort to learn his views on the state of affairs in Jefferson City and in Washington. Despite repeated invocations of his name, former President Harry Truman remained silent, saying not a word to anyone how he felt about term limits, tax cuts and whether Charles Kiesler should be retained as MU chancellor.

Striking while Hillary was out of touch with Houston, I called the center and asked for assistance in my conversational search for HST. A helpful staff member at the Foundation for Mind Research seemed anxious to assist me, and after answering a multitude of questions about my location and the last known address of the recipient, I only had to supply my credit card number along with the date of expiration, and, voila, there was Harry on the line.

HST: Hello, hello, who in the hell is calling me?

JFS: Mr. President, it's me. You remember me, don't' you? You called my Dad an SOB during your Senate re-election race, but you two finally reconciled just before you left.

HST: Oh, yes, Jackie. How are you? I remember my little Margaret made you play with dolls, didn't she?

JFS: That's right, Mr. President, but thank heavens, we both outgrew that. The last time I saw Margaret was when Congress held a centennial observation of your birth, and she and her husband and your grandsons attended.

HST: Those kids of hers, my grandsons, needed a hair cut and I was madder than hell they would show up at such a nice doings looking like hippies.

JFS: Yes, Mr. President, Stu Symington, Clark Clifford and I speculated about your reaction. We were right.

HST: What's on your mind, Jackie?

JFS: Well, Mr. President, I was wondering how you viewed some of the events that have taken place since you passed on, issues that have often divided the country. Those who remember you are always invoking your name when someone mentions that we don't have leaders like we used to and how the country seems to be swimming against the tide of moral rectitude in so many different areas. For example, how do you feel about the man who now occupies 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Mr. Clinton?

HST: Nice kid, smart, but doesn't seem to have a lick of common sense. Blew his chance to solve some really major national problems by trading his election momentum for some really minor items. Big mistake, big mistake. Turned over the problem I had the answer for back in 1949, health care, to his wife. Now, hell, no man ever had a finer wife than I did, but I wouldn't ask Bess to come up with answers to such a complicated problem and that young man blew that as well. He seems to have some sort of woman problem, too. And if I stopped by some burger joint every time I went for a morning walk, I would have been as big as William Howard Taft too.

JFS: The Republicans will nominate Senator Dole as their candidate. Have you followed his career?

HFS: You bet I have. I knew heroes like Bob Dole back in WWI, and they were good men. Would have been proud to have had that Kansas Republican in my old outfit. Seems to have a disposition problem though. The Republicans need to get someone to tell Senator Dole a joke every morning to loosen him up a little. You know, Tom Dewey never smiled more than a dozen times during the entire '48 election campaign. Folks couldn't tell whether he was enjoying himself or just standing around like the groom on a wedding cake.

JFS: By the way, Mr. President, I guess you hear about the old Kirksville Normal College being named the Harry Truman University, didn't you?

HST: Yep, that was mighty nice of folks up there. Some fine people lived in Kirksville, old Doc Still and his family and others who always turned in big Democratic majorities when we needed them. Not as good as old Tom in Kansas City, but we could depend on Northeast Missouri, just like we depended on Northwest and Southeast to overcome those hard-headed Republicans in the Southwest.

JFS: Do you keep up much with how things are going in Jefferson City?

HST: I listen in from time to time. It's a whole new ball game these days, and I still have trouble reconciling the budgets of Jackson County some 70 years age with the billions today in Missouri. Lordy, times sure change. I remember when we had a Jackson County budget of less than @25,000, and old Henry McElroy ran all of Kansas City for about $100,000 a year.

JFS: You know the governor is Mel Carnahan from Rolla.

HST: Yep, knew his pappy. He was a good congressman, got into politics from teaching. Last governor I knew was that Hearnes kid, back in the '60s, just before I came up here.

JFS: Any advice, Mr. President, to a befuddled nation?

HST: Never bet more than you can afford to lose, choose your friends carefully, stay cool in the kitchen, and give `em hell. Keep in touch, young man.

Jack Stapleton of Kennett if the editor of the Missouri News and Editorial Service.