MISSOURI WATCH: FINAL EXAM AT ELECTORAL COLLEGE

Instructor's Note: This exam will constitute 50 percent of your semester grade, providing you have previously registered and voted on November 5. Students who have not completed earlier assignments should do so before Electoral College semester end. Those who receive a passing grade will not be required to register in this course until the election of November 1998, and to those failing: I will see you next semester.

1. The key issue of the 1996 election in Missouri was: a) Staying awake; b) Margaret Kelly's small campaign fund; c) Mel Carnahan's huge campaign fund; d) Loss of final playoff game by St. Louis Cardinals to Atlanta Braves.

2. Voter support for Ross Perot dropped 50 percent from the election in 1992 to 1996. How do you explain this? a) The federal indictment of Bob Griffin; b) Perot's refusal to contribute to the Fund for Term Limits for Missouri Trash Haulers; c) He ran out of pie charts; d) Bekki Cook stopped the voting clock.

3. Attorney General Jay Nixon received more votes than did Gov. Carnahan. How do you account for this? a) Voters thought they were voting for Dick Nixon; b) The federal indictment of Bob Griffin; c) Because Nixon stopped school desegregation payments; d) Nixon is easier to spell than Carnahan.

4. What will be the principal goals of the next Carnahan administration? a) To refund all the tax increases in the first term; b) To permit the governor to appoint all university presidents and football coaches; c) Move the state Capitol to Rolla; d) Turn the Mansion into a bed and breakfast.

5. Party totals did not change in the General Assembly, with Democrats still in control. What does this imply? a) Democrats still get the best offices; b) Democrats still get the best desks on the floor; c) Republicans will get to use Capitol bathrooms; d) Republicans cannot speak unless spoken to.

6. Voters rejected a constitutional amendment calling for a "rainy day" fund. What implications does this vote hold? a) Skies will always be clear; b) Used umbrellas will create landfill hazard; c) State will shut down when it rains; d) Bob Griffin will be indicted.

7. The percentage of registered voters turning out to vote fell this year. What do you believe this means? a) Voters had better things to do; b) ABC announced Carnahan was winner by 9 a.m.; c) Christian Coalition predicted world was coming to an end if Democrats won; d) Thousands attended grand opening of new casino.

8. Three women were elected to U.S. House seats. How do you explain this? a) Women always get seats before men; b) Women are better cleaning the house than men; c) The indictment of Bob Griffin; d) Margaret Kelly's under-financed campaign.

9. The major campaign gaffe committed this year was: a) Carnahan's failure to explain away contributions from Indonesia; b) Bill Kenney's endorsement of Roger Wilson; c) John Hancock's admission that he didn't sign the Declaration of Independence; d) Bob Holden posing with indicted investment banker.

10. The most overused words in the 1996 campaign were: a) Tax and spend; b) Building a bridge across the Mississippi; c) Indictment; d) Whatever.

11. Name the most controversial issue of this year's campaign in Missouri. a) Bottle size of gifts presented to Bootheel voters; b) Locating voting precincts for urban voters; c) Whether perfectly good state buildings should be torn down brick by brick or blown up; d) Whether last two Capitol parking spaces should be reserved for taxpayers or legislators' maids.

12. Both Clinton and Dole visited Missouri several times during the campaign. What effect did their visits have on the state? a) Voters stayed away from the polls in record numbers; b) McDonald's declared a stock split; c) Dole failed to fall off a speakers' platform; d) The Rams lost every time either one came into town.

13. What were the principal errors committed in this campaign: a) Kelly should have held more no-expense Capitol rallies; b) Kenney should have campaigned wearing his football helmet; c) Volkmer should have contracted laryngitis; d) Phelps should have been a full-time state resident.

14. How would you improve the next general election in the state? a) Reschedule it; b) Hold it at night; c) Turn it over to M.U. and Rams coaching staffs; d) Cancel it until public gives a hoot.

~Jack Stapleton of Kennett is the editor of the Missouri News and Editorial Service.