MISSOURIANA

The best thing that can be said thus far for this year's football season at the University of Missouri is that players are learning how to count above 50.

President Clinton may be having a tough time in Washington, but if he continues his energetic efforts to promote Hillary's health-care package he could wind up being named Salesman of the Year.

Conservative Republicans claim they have the best recipe for solving the country's health-care problems. It turns out to be Bob Dole's mother's recipe for chicken soup.

You have to admire Yasser Arafat's tremendous dignity and social presence. How many people do you know who can wear their shorts on their head?

Former presidents Ford, Carter and Bush showed up at the White House in support of NAFTA. Reagan would have been there but overslept and missed his flight, and Nixon heard the ceremony was going to be taped.

Bumper sticker: If You Can Read Thus, You Can Read Better Than 47 Percent of the U.S. Population.