MISSOURIANA

The United States may be the first nation in history to spend billions of dollars for weapons to destroy the country it now plans to spend billions to preserve.

---

Missouri Democrats, angry over a reapportionment plan, threaten to file a lawsuit. The party's defense could be temporary stupidity.

---

Looking back on it now, the turning point during the Soviet coup probably occurred when Mick Jagger endorsed Boris Yeltsin.

---

Scholastic aptitude test scores sank to an all-time low for verbal skills. Hey, dude, whatcha gonna do 'bout all dis mess, anyways?

---

America had better hurry up and solve the verbal skills deficiency of its children or no one will be able to comprehend the solution.

---

The worst result of a world crisis is having to listen to Henry Kissinger explain why he knew all along it would happen.