MISSOURIANA

Apparently, the only things certain these days are taxes, death and Saddam Hussein.

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A pessimist is a Missourian who is so concerned about the state's financial crisis that he believes every time John Ashcroft leaves the governor's office, he isn't coming back.

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As far as can be determined, the only result of Secretary of State Jim Baker's Middle East peace plan is increased threats of war.

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Opponents of Missouri's education reform plan will send out literature just as soon as the printer is through correcting all the grammatical errors and misspellings.

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How come the interest on America's national debt is so much greater than the country's interest in the Bill of Rights?

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A St. Louis mayoral candidate says crime in Missouri cities could be reduced by using the National Guard. The idea is rejected by officials who say the Guard must be held in reserve for parades and traffic control at county fairs.

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America is just lucky Paul Revere didn't have to fight the early-morning rush-hour traffic.