MISSOURIANA

Life was simpler when all we had to worry about was whether someone was going to like our Christmas gift. Now we have to make sure it's wrapped in recycled paper.

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Governor Ashcroft says Missouri's low taxes are overcome by competency in government. That's why Jefferson City is known for its northern hospitality and southern efficiency.

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Christmas traditions are great. We're always warmed by seeing "It's a Wonderful Life" with Jimmy Stewart, who was able to rescue his savings and loan without a federal bailout.

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Even though they're on active duty in the Persian Gulf, the IRS says U.S. troops will have to file their tax returns by April 15. Compared to federal tax agents, Saddam Hussein is a real pussycat.

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Arab nations may become a little nervous about American aid when they take a look at the conditions in Panama one year after Uncle Sam "helped" that country.

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Are we really sure we're living in a real world? The fast-food chains are killing us with saturated foods, our financial institutions are bankrupting us and our industries are polluting our air and land -- and we call Saddam Hussein our enemy.

By Jack Stapleton