On Sept. 11, 2001, Christopher Lee was going about a normal workday in an architectural firm about a half mile from the World Trade Center in New York City.

He saw the first jet slam into one of the Twin Towers. Then, the second.

In the next hours and days, he and his family would try to reconcile what they had seen and learned about the attacks.

Twenty years and a move to California later, the former Cape Girardeau resident spoke about his experience then and how events of that day continue to affect his life. (Lee's comments have been lightly edited for clarity.)

Southeast Missourian: Of that day, what are the things that you most remember, the things that seemed most important at the time or the little details that for some reason stuck in your mind?

Christopher Lee: What I most remember besides the event itself was that it was an average morning. There was nothing remarkable that happened or a hinted at what was to follow. Like most days I was preparing for a meeting and the moment we sat down to start the discussion I could see the first plane hit the first tower and the second followed soon thereafter -- it was the most surreal moment of my life. I remember a very audible gasp from colleagues in the office and everyone running to the perimeter of the building to watch it all unfold in front of us. Seeing the first tower fall is something I'll never be able to unsee.

SM: What was your instant reaction?

CL: As quickly as everything happened my immediate thoughts were one of uncertainty, vulnerability, and a fear like you can never imagine. My gut reaction was to let my family know that I was safe.

SM: In the days afterward, how did you process the attacks:

CL: Believe it or not, I do not have a clear view of the events of Sept. 11. I struggle to process the many people who left their homes that day to go to work, school or run errands who didn't make it back home. It was a very personal experience that I get uncomfortable watching play out on television. I have a hard time getting beyond the loss of life and what those families have endured.

SM: What did you think the future would bring?

CL: It was clear right away that nothing would ever be the same again. A few weeks after September 11th fighter jets were scrambled over Manhattan, broke the sound barrier, and people were running for cover because they thought there was an immediate threat.

SM: As years passed, how would you assess your personal recovery?

CL: To be honest I'm not sure anyone is the same person after witnessing something like that happen. There was an extended period of time just after it happened that I couldn't sleep at night. My Brooklyn apartment had views of Lower Manhattan and not seeing those buildings had an affect on me everyday looking out from my bedroom window. From the stench in the air the days and weeks that followed to the anxiety it created, it was not a great moment looking back.

SM: How do you think you came to terms with that day and everything that came afterward?

CL: I come to terms with it by avoiding it all together, especially television and videos. Discussing the events is a form of therapy for me but I care little about reports from people who were not in the middle of it. ... My friends and former colleague rarely if ever discuss what happened that day.

SM: Today, does it affect you? If so, how?

CL: It's a complicated question. Thinking back on an earlier comment, I try to take each day as it comes and not take anything for granted. Life is too unpredictable.