Making peace with death

Facing death, either one's own or that of a close relative or friend, can be the crisis that leads someone to faith.

Churches and other faith communities are often quick to respond with support and prayers at times of death. Yet, surveys and studies have shown that ministers and leaders of congregations often are ill-prepared to deal with all the issues surrounding care for the seriously ill and dying.

The Rev. Doug Scott, interim pastor at Westminster Presbyterian Church, has ministered to dozens of families who faced serious illness and death in his 45-year career. And he's faced his own mortality after two diagnoses of cancer in the 1990s.

Death can be a very lonely experience, Scott said. And people often feel sorry for themselves, but facing the reality of death can bring peace.

Scott recalled a friend near death from cancer in Wyoming. She ministered to relatives of hospice patients just days before her own death.

"I was buoyed by her spirit," he said.

Scott is one of several area ministers who are trying to promote Compassion Sabbath, a program designed to offer resources and support for ministers and congregational leaders who deal with the seriously ill and dying.

Compassion Sabbath is an interfaith effort that began in 1999 as a collaboration of the Midwest Bioethics Center and the Kansas City, Mo., faith community to improve end-of-life care and offer resources and training to clergy.

Now the effort is spreading across the state -- and plans are to eventually take it nationwide -- as congregations in Cape Girardeau and Jackson, Mo., plan observances this weekend or sometime in February.

Compassion Sabbath will be observed at 14 churches in the area. Many also participated in a conference on ministering to the dying last fall.

The Rev. Dr. Bill Matzat, director of pastoral care at Southeast Missouri Hospital, has provided resources about Compassion Sabbath after attending a seminar in Kansas City last year.

Those resources include information about the value of dying and how to live in the present, the rituals of withdrawal from life and finding the presence of God, and hospice and palliative care.

Matzat, who is also the president of the Cape Girardeau Ministerial Alliance, said Compassion Sabbath teaches sensitivity to ministry leaders dealing with end-of-life issues and serious illness in their congregations.

It also gives support to congregational leaders and caregivers while letting pastors share what is human about themselves: their emotions and feelings, Matzat said.

The program has to find strength from area congregations to be successful, he said.

Scott will preach about compassion during his sermon Sunday at the 10:45 a.m. worship service at Westminster. Using resources provided by the Midwest Bioethics Center, he plans to offer prayers and chose some hymns based on the theme.

The emphasis of the program is to help people feel more comfortable with the idea of dying, Scott said.

Having been near death himself, Scott feels a special calling to the ministering role.

"We do a lot of living and put a lot into living, surrounding ourselves with things to make us happier," Scott said, adding that for many death still brings fear and anxiety.

"Faith can give us solace," he said.

Scott has always approached his counseling with the seriously ill from a basis of faith. In one instance, he ministered to a man in his 40s as he faced death within six to eight months.

"We would spend time together and I would just be present," Scott said. The men talked about death, what it meant to die and what was beyond death.

Scott was present when the man died at his home. "His wife had left the room and asked if I'd stand by the bed. As I stood there, his breathing became very soft and light. As I was bending over him, he opened his eyes and looked at me. I said 'Brice, you're going to be with the Lord.' He was mouthing words as if we were having a conversation and he took two breaths and was gone. It was one of the most peaceful things that I've seen."

The Rev. Paul Short, pastor at St. Andrew Lutheran Church, plans an observance of Compassion Sabbath later in February.

The effort isn't as unified locally as it is in Kansas City, where nearly half the ministerial community participates in the program.

But Short plans to call people's attention to the need for compassion. "We need to demonstrate that for people who are always dealing with those areas of life, whether it's the loss of a loved one or an ongoing chronic illness."

Church should be a sanctuary -- "a place of refuge for our people," Short said.

The St. Andrew congregation is involved in Stephen Ministry, which offers one-on-one support to those in need and has small group ministries that allow people to share more freely.

Stephen Ministry is designed to help people understand what the boundaries are in sharing compassion, Short said.

Sometimes people can become too concerned and try to solve the problem instead of offer support. "There are times when you can't do anything or do any curing but you can demonstrate care and the right care can be the right atmosphere for cure," Short said.

ljohnston@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 126