KENNETT, Mo. -- Much of the world's population probably never heard of Americaland, a relatively small area about 3,200 miles wide and 2,100 miles in depth, and we're told its relative anonymity among much of the world can be traced to the fact it has an almost revolutionary view of the worth of the individual.

Historians tell us Americaland has been around for a couple of centuries, give or take a few decades, while sociologists explain that ever since its existence it has attracted a unique variety of people from scattered parts of the world, all seeking a society that would recognize the inherent worth of every man, woman and child within its borders.

Always ready to supply a practical view of mankind, political scientists believe that the historical-sociological mix created in Americaland inexorably led to the formation of the desired democratic society, with the principal aim being to heed the human longing for freedom, with the least possible restrictions on strange or erratic behavior.

After a dozen or so decades of experimentation, most of the residents of Americaland viewed their progress from primitive to sophisticated with a great deal of pride and self-satisfaction. "We are the world's greatest community," many Americalanders said, without a trace of modesty showing, "and we will lead the world to the same conclusion as we evidence our strength, our riches and our uniquely superb behavior."

Although citizens in other lands were dubious of such claims, they joined the collective applause not so much out of agreement as fear of alienating what had become the world's colossus. Besides, they recalled the sayings the Old Masters: "The friend of your enemy may become not your friend in need but the enemy of your friend." Or something like that, since translation lost meaning as it passed from Lithuanian to Gaelic to Slovakian.

As Americaland continued to prosper, much of the rest of the world traveled in the opposite direction, as population explosions around the world went off every 30 seconds, which meant there were more and more mouths to feed and less and less of the earth's natural resources to share. This state of affairs was viewed quite differently, with the conclusion depending on which geography one happened to be standing.

Just as they had predicted from the very start, Americalanders emerged at the top of the heap, and indeed their heap was so high that more than a few ventured the unique opinion that something should be tried that had never been tried before: Helping those at the bottom of the heap.

Although this solution was viewed as heresy by many Americalanders, proponents noted it also contained advantages, some of which had seldom been noted, much less discussed.

First, advocates noted there seemed to be little difference, physically speaking, between those at the top and those at the bottom, therefore there must be a remote connection between them.

Second, they discovered the alarming fact there were far more at the bottom than at the top, and if for no other reason than their own safety, it would be wise to shorten the distance between the haves and have-nots before the hungry ganged up on the well-fed.

Third, and without putting too much of a spin on it, it was pointed out that Pat Robertson had hinted over a lengthy period of time we are our brothers' keepers, with a moral obligation for their fate in life and with a responsibility to meet their needs in a manner commensurate with our ability to deliver.

This argument between extreme-measure advocates continued for decades and while there seemed a need to resolve it, the easiest solution known to mankind was adopted: Just wait and see and then wait some more to see what happens again. Those at the top argued that conditions would improve and Enron stock would soon recover. Those at the bottom, proliferating at an even faster rate than before, said the time for waiting was past and that action was essential, now and forthwith. Advocates noted the formation of one religion after another to help alleviate the suffering while opponents said time had only produced greater disparity, more virulent diseases and mass starvation. Meanwhile, Enron stock was still dropping.

Despite the growing differences of both fact and resolution, those who advanced the cause of moderation seemed to make the most sense to Americalanders, many of whom refused either to acknowledge the possibility of danger to themselves and their families or dismiss it as propaganda by those at the bottom of the heap or meaningless threats that posed no danger to anyone. "We have to much on our minds to concern ourselves with how others view us" they argued as they continued to accumulate their magical stocks and bonds, castigate the sins of their leaders and generally remove themselves from the democracy envisioned by their ancestors.

As the gladiator contests of the Roman empire were replaced by the lure of the Super Bowl, and as the sins of Croesus replaced the salvation of God's disciples, Americalanders continued their indifference to troubling realities. The ending was inevitable.

Author's note: Readers are invited to select their own ending to this column, choosing any of the following:

1. After being refused funds for a new ballpark, the St. Louis Cardinals buy the old Enron stadium in Houston.

2. The 2002 Missouri General Assembly, unable to balance revenue and expenditures, bets all the state's General Revenue Fund in the Missouri lottery.

3. Pat Robertson is named vice president after Dick Cheney refuses to leave his underground bunker to accept a subpoena from the General Accounting Office.

4. Attorney General John Ashcroft announces that henceforth he will sing all Justice Department public announcements in the key of C.

5. President Bush revises his axis of evil, naming Daschle, Gephardt and McCain.

Jack Stapleton is the editor of Missouri News & Editorial Service.