Skinny Noflid

By Michael Hines, hasatan@yahoo.com

"Conan, I too have a public service announcement." -Max Weinberg

I want to be honest with you. This is not the first version of this column. I'm comfortable with writing letters to the editor, logical argumentation, and sensationalist descriptions. But suprisingly, my editor didn't quite know what to think of the first rendition.

I admit, it was intensely sensual, confidently precise, and possibly inappropriate for some forums. But God love me, I felt what I was saying, and I understood it to be me, seamlessly voicing my opinion on the exemplar of a genre of coffee-based liqueur drinks that is all but ignored. What more could you ask for?

So could I perhaps plea for your view of my original submission? I mean, I'm versatile. If something's awry with my communication skills, I want to know, so that I can improve myself. However, I also like knowing that maybe something I went out on a limb to materialize actually is worthy of your readership and maybe draws you into my perception of things.

Perhaps my original offering says more than a column of rants and reminiscing possibly could, Through textured descriptions of the pleasure of juxtaposing cold air and warm spirits, might I have won you over with elegance and charisma, instead of might?

Possibly, by originally writing:

"7here's a chill in the air again. It's sneaking up at night and then scampering off with the./ear of the sun's scowl Ihis chill is gaining confidence; it knows the summer's heat is all but spent-the fall of summertime begins.

No longer will iced lea accommodate your evening interests, beer in the night air could' cause hypothermia. Something else is needed something warmer, something more intense. Without such a thing, lelharg and gloom are bound to pervade.

Now, imagine something warm in your hand. Its pleasant odor entices you. You lean in on it, touch it to your lips, and taste it. It's vibrant. Ae flavor courses through you; while, a mischievous edge nibbles its way to the very core of ym- As Wu finish, soft warmth fills you; gentle spirits lift you; a smile is born.

A romance? .... perhaps. Or, is it something simpler, more attainable? Could it be an Irish coffee lofting steam that tickles your nose?

Ah yes! Mose beautiful, spirited coffee beverages:, so underapprecialed in this colddrinks-are-everything era of ours, are quietly callingyou. Willyouanswer? CanIlureyou?

Let me challenge you to try something exotic, something extravagant, something altogether easyloenjoy. Let me satiate you desire for calm inside. Let me foster your needfor warmth. Let me show You how nice it can he to conquer the chill's trembling, to glow ftom within ... Let me fill you a mug with a sultry Batleys mocha, topped with vanilla whipped cream and a splash of raspberry syrup

Find me. I'm closer than you think I'm waiting here to offer you the season's solution to Friday evening get- togethers-to charmed, chilly nights around the fire at that special rendezvous point. I can give yvu that catalystfor rich conversation and memories that endure. I lmne these things for you, but you have to seek me; you have to ask.

So what has all of this accomplished? Haveyou budged in the least? Are you thinking now, with an ornery grin, how good the chilly air couldJeel with something warm in your hand? Are you looking for me? Will yvu find me? Will you taste what I have to offer?

Willyou?

I would not only move you to try something new, but I could even give you a glimpse into the true spirit of the caf6, as I have come to know it. I could cunningly, but earnestly, illustrate to you how the coffeehouse environment fosters an air of artistry, comfom community, and, at times, graceful innuendo that it is difficult, if not impossible, to capture elsewhere. It is a place where playftil intellectuals quietly volley threefold humor and wordplay with an equally witty barista, a place where a couple can silently sit and enjoy each other's company, veiled in the steam from their beverages.

The caf6 has (forgive me) a sophistication about it that is intensely sensual, confidently precise, and possibly inappropriate for some forums. It is not like the other establishments and stores. Coffee is not a party charger or a health shake. Coffee is the enigmatic icon of a class of people who treasure the beauties of communication.

So, voice your verdict to my question, "Have I any sense about this issue?" and send it in.

You'll be glad you did.