Sports people 6/28/02

Playing tag-free

ESPN's Jim Caple didn't take kindly to word that a California elementary school has banned the playground game of tag and said that it needs to be played only under supervision of teachers.

Thanks to rules like this, Caple says, we're raising a nation of clueless cartoon characters like "The Simpsons" Ralph Wiggum.

"We had some children who were not playing 'it' appropriately," Franklin elementary principal Pat Samarge said, adding that "Little kids were coming in and saying, 'I don't like it.' Children weren't feeling good about it."

Contends Caple: "Well, I should hope not. Tag is about the lamest of the playground games, involving none of the requisites of real sports: a ball, violence, fantasy leagues, fanatical Brazilians or corrupt French judges.

"Of course, when the kids are all so fat, lazy and sensitive that they have to pay for two seats on Southwest Airlines, we may have to take further appropriate action by suing someone."

Bashing Barry

David Whitley in the Orlando Sentinel: "According to media reports, which are never wrong, Barry Bonds' hat size grew by two sizes last year.

"Experts says that kind of skull expansion for a 37-year-old man can only happen if he is taking steroids, or he's paid $18 million and allowed exclusive use of three lockers, a lounge chair, a television and a personal trainer and French chef in the clubhouse."

-- From staff reports