University plan - Drop biology, add Limbaugh

To the editor:

I have been reading with some dismay the articles about the funding crisis facing Southeast Missouri State University. However, after reading about the infighting between the athletic department and certain professors over limited funding, I have come up with what I think is the perfect solution. The university should eliminate the biology department and replace it with the Rush Limbaugh Center for Advanced Conservative Studies.

Before you reject my suggestion, think about what this would accomplish. First, no more hearing biology faculty member Allen Gathman ranting about how there should be no funding cuts in academics. This is code for: "Don't take any pay or perks from faculty members. We are too important. Let other employees or students make sacrifices." Also, no more environmental diatribes from biology faculty member Alan Journet.

Students would no longer be subjected to biology professors droning on and on about evolution or global warming. Instead, students would be required to listen to three hours daily of no-nonsense conservative talk from Cape Girardeau's own Rush Limbaugh. There would be no expenditures for professors, textbooks or classrooms. This move would also provide this university with something few of our politically correct universities have: a conservative viewpoint.

I have little hope my suggestion will be seriously considered. Instead of making meaningful budget cuts, the university will do what every other university does when it runs short of funds: raise tuition. At least I tried.

JOHN HELDERMAN

Whitewater, Mo.