People should love more and judge less, said a panel of religious community leaders at a discussion on homosexuality Wednesday at Southeast Missouri State University.

"It saddens me deeply when we lose a member of our church over this issue," said Father J. Friedel of the Catholic Campus Ministry. "They sometimes leave because quite often in the church we fail at not loving them enough."

The discussion, which attracted about 40 people, was hosted by the Rainbow Alliance, a student group at SEMO designed to educate others about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender issues and to provide emotional and social support to GLBT students.

The five-member panel included Friedel, Cliff Sodergren of the Intervarsity Christian Fellowship, Tara Miller of the Muddy River Grove pagan group, Bob Towner, a rector at the Christ Episcopal Church and SONiA, a Jewish lesbian singer-songwriter. The facilitator was Daniel MacLeay, a foreign language instructor at the university.

Friedel and Towner acknowledged many of their church members do not agree with their opinions on homosexuality. They said as church leaders they try to follow Jesus' words and deeds in considering the issue.

"Jesus never talked about homosexuality," Towner said. "He never even talked about sex, which today's society seems to be so obsessed with. What he did talk about was faithfulness and God's love. He also talked about giving up money to follow Him, but we seem to have no trouble ignoring that."

Church beliefs

Friedel said the Catholic Church does not believe homosexuality is chosen, but expects gays to be celibate because sex without the intent of procreation or outside of a marriage between a man and woman is a sin.

"As a priest, I can be celibate because I have everyone in my parish to love me, and so I have no problem following through with that," he said. "But, the church must begin to love its gay members more if it expects them to also live up to this."

Miller spoke about her pagan views concerning same-sex marriages.

"We don't believe it's right to not acknowledge people's commitment to one another," she said. "Marriages, whether heterosexual or homosexual, are sacred to our goddess because they are acts of love."

Sodergren represented an evangelical perspective. He said Jesus wants gays to open themselves to him as their guide and can hope to be transformed. However, he said such a change can take a lifetime of struggle and pain. He mentioned "ex-gay" movements, including Exodus, which ministers to homosexuals seeking to become heterosexual.

"Those types of things are often never considered because many gays do not know they exist," he said. "I'm not saying that if you pray to God to change you, and it doesn't work that you just didn't pray hard enough. ... But there have been many success stories."

However, Friedel said attempts to change an orientation often become emotional "train wrecks" for everyone involved. Only one of the struggling men he has counseled ultimately decided to live as a heterosexual, he said.

"But he was very much in the middle of the sexual orientation map. He was a bisexual, but was uncomfortable with the gay community and so chose to leave that side of himself behind," he said.

The religious panel was the last official part of the group's National Coming Out Day activities this week. Other events included an entertainment showcase on Monday that attracted about 100 spectators and a panel discussion on Tuesday, concerning myths and stereotypes surrounding same-sex orientations, that had 25 people in attendance.

mwells@semissourian.com

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