Trendy or Trashy

by Lara K. Sebastian

This week our reporter took to the streets (of a town in some other state) to find out what type of Presidential candidate you were looking for. (Approaches Six females outside a mall)

TT - Pardon me I am doing research for a column. What type of president would you like to have in office, or what type of characteristics should the president have?

Girl 1 - He should like ummm Puff Daddy and be able to sing all the words to Hanson.

TT - Okay, (raised eyebrows) how about you?

Girl 2 - Like a good president would like be young, like our age or something.

TT - And how old are you?

Girl 3 - We are all like twelve.

(On a secondary glance our reporter notices that they are all wearing tight hot pants and painted up like some sort Freakish Brittany Spears clones.)

TT - Ummm Thank you for your time.

Girl 4 - So like when do we get paid.

Girl 5 - Yeah, like my mom gets paid when she does these thingies.

TT - Oh yeah money, uhh, ummm, Ohmigod is that Puff Daddy?

(Girls in unison cry where and the reporter ran. Seeing a person of mature tastes (elderly male) we approached him for his opinion.)

TT - Pardon me sir if I might borrow a moment of your time.

Man - Sure how can I be of assistance.

TT - I am doing a column on voting for a local new paper on voting I was curious what characteristics of a presidential candidate you would vote for might be?

M - He would be a find upstanding citizen Like Richard Nixon.

TT - Pardon me.

M - Richard Nixon, Part of the Red Scare, a fabulous time in our country's history.

TT - Nixon? McCarthyism in America was probably one of the stupidest things we ever let ourselves be talked into. Big brother was never so big and the little guy was indeed knee high to a grasshopper.

M - Hey you are forgetting the democratic enemy, Communism?

TT - The ideal behind Communism is great but people ruin it, so it will never work.

M - Hey is that Tim McGrath?

TT - Where? (Turns around to see no one, turning back to find the old man left. You would have never thought someone with a walker could move so fast.)

Out of luck and ideas this trendy, trashy reporter decided to go to the nearest bookstore and partake of the lifetimes of intellect contained there in. Devoid of any hope of finding someone with all their fries in their happy meal, we asked the information desk for help. A gentleman and woman were more than happy to oblige.

TT - So what kind of president would you like in office?

Gentleman - He or she, I have no qualms on sex. They would not be a lifetime-politician. They would more than likely have children because that would give anyone cause enough to want to make the world a better place. Someone who's intelligent enough to see that a child of someone else's is just as much a child of theirs no matter where they come from -Someone who would enjoy the finer things in life.

TT - Like Caviar and Champagne?

G - No, grills and hot dogs, mowing their own grass, a vacation day or painting, just a hobby of some kind.

TT - Sounds basic enough to me. I don't know about you but there is no smell better than fresh cut grass. (Turning to the woman) How about you what type of president would you like?

Woman - Someone whom you can look into the eyes of when they speak and see that they are sincere whether they are talking to you or a hundred thousand people -Who's honesty is present not only in their speech but actions. Many of the past presidents have honestly wanted to help but were unable or unwilling, whichever the case maybe, to move from their mouths to their feet. A person who would have the bravery to stand up before a room full of people, admit that they have faults then within the same breath state the triumphs they have shared because of them.

TT - Wow. I would love to meet someone like that...

In closing I offer up this challenge. Of all the people I asked, only one person's opinion matters and that's your own. The minute you give someone else the ability to make decisions for you, they want to make decisions for everyone else. A democratic form of government is the only way that we can maintain the impartiality and the ideal of goodness for all people not just the ones who make the decisions. So I encourage you to vote come election time but until then I offer this ad that 250 million people have the obligation to consider:

"Seeking seasonal help for top level position. People skills a must, volunteer history required. Experience not necessary will train to suit. Children or children skills necessary. Must have good heart, open mind, honest and nature. Willingness to work hard and stay late. Ability to be objective is a must, but willing to put needs of others over self. Please apply with family, friends, countrymen and local senate."