BUCKING THE SYSTEM: FAMILY TREE'S BUMPS AND WHORLS GET A WORKOUT

To look at a person is to know who they belong to. Family trees usually produce patterns if one looks closely enough. Some of these patterns are seen in physical attributes, others can be found in thought processes.

My family tree produced several strong physical traits that have passed through the generations. For instance, I inherited a dominant small nose gene from my maternal grandfather -- the infamous Morgan nose -- which I passed along to Jerry. From my paternal grandmother I received taller-than-average height and a build that is ... robust, to say the least.

While these physical attributes can be a nuisance (like for example, when I have a head cold) they are bearable. But I must admit to some bumps and whorl patterns on my family tree that I could have easily done without.

There is, for example, my strong and stout trunk. While impressive, this description sounds better on an oak than on a person. And then we have my vertical barbell-type shape often misnomered as a pear shape. Pears are expensive -- can you imagine how much they would cost by the pound if they were built up like me?

And then we have my appendages. The limbs of this particular family tree have a tendency to be overly fleshy and soft, sort of like really good chicken wings.

Speaking of food, did I mention I'm on a diet?

That's where this whole tree thing came from, you know. I seem to be eating a lot of crunchy, green stuff lately, and when I sat down with a blank mind to write this column, that's what came to me.

It's amazing how people, nature and even the gods seem to conspire against you when you decide to go on a diet. Here it is August, and I think to myself, "I'm going to start getting ready for Christmas now and beat the rush." An honorable notion, but what do you think happens?

Well, for starters, every junk food known to man goes on sale. I know this because everywhere I turn in the grocery store I see potato chips and super-sized boxes of Cap'n Crunch offered for mere pennies an ounce.

Then it becomes promotional season at the newspaper. We've got these stickers that Kim wants us to wear every day to remind people that YELL day is coming up. YELL's important, so I faithfully put my sticker on. What do I get for my trouble: a bite-sized candy bar with about a day's worth of fat loaded into it.

To add to it all, Dennis "the Webmaster" O'Shields suddenly becomes a cook. During a Food Day held Friday to celebrate Ray Owen's 39th birthday (yeah right), Dennis brings in what looks like a canape tray full-to-the-brimming with bean dip.

Not just any kind of bean dip either; this is the "damn your diet to hell" multi-layered bean dip. It's full of ingredients, including sour cream, cheese, guacamole, and of course, bean dip.

What's a girl to do?

Well, I couldn't resist the Webmaster's bean dip, but other than that, I've been doing very well so far. I've been donating my YELL candy to somebody else's fat fund, and I've replaced 40-plus ounces of soda with about 80-ounces of water every day.

It's amazing how little time you have to eat when you drink that much water.

I don't have a particular goal or time frame in mind with this diet; I just want to look and feel healthier.

I'm not 16 anymore, which means super-sized value meals are out and steamed vegetables and bottled water are in. That family tree I told you about is devoid of such ailments as hypertension and diabetes, the diseases commonly known to plague African Americans.

There are, however, several diagnosed cases of breast, cervical and other cancers in the family, and losing weight will help me monitor signs of those conditions.

The bloodlines in my family tree are strong. I just want to make sure my limb on that tree doesn't fall off before its time.

~Tamara Zellars Buck is a staff writer for the Southeast Missourian