CAROLINE'S CORNER: DIRGE FOR WINTER

Everyone is entitled to one grouchy day a year. My day to be in a sulky mood from the time I get up until the time I go to bed is Sept. 23, the autumnal equinox.

This day is scientifically explained as the point at which the ecliptic intersects the celestial equator, marking the beginning of autumn. In non professional's terms, it means the weather is fixing to be cold and ice and snow are on their way.

With this in mind, I decided this year to name my day. Governors and mayors proclaim their own days and so can I. The name of the day shall be forthwith known as "Summer Is Over, Winter is on Its Way and I Wish I Wuz a Bear so I Could Hibernate Day."

Anyone who wishes to join in my lamentation on this autumnal equinox each year should feel free to join me. There are no dues required to join the club. You just have to be a genuine anti-winter person.

Even as a group we won't be able to change the weather, but we can whine together. "Tis the only comfort of the miserable to have partners in their woes," Cervantes said in "Don Quixote." We might be able to find comfort in each other.

It is the durn ice that gets me. After half a century of living, I still haven't learned to walk or drive on it. I end up either in the ditch or on my buttocks and therefore either being towed or towing a pillow around to sit on until my tailbone heals.

I was exceedingly despondent one icy week when I finally was forced to go get bread and milk. I made it to the grocery store and back with no problem. My car absolutely refused to go up the hill into the garage, so I parked and tried to walk the few short feet to my door. My feet cooperated no better than my car. I finally crawled up the hill. As my neighbors whizzed merrily by, I refused to be undone.

I waved graciously as if nothing were amiss and as if to say, "There is nothing strange about a female crawling up the driveway to put away her groceries. It happens all the time. Have a nice day."

Because I cannot be a bear in this life and hibernate all winter and because I cannot change the weather, I just make do. During the dark days of blizzards and black ice, I survive by reciting Shelley each morning.

"O Wind, if Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?" gets me through the day. As I see it, the only good thing about winter is what follows.