CAROLINE'S CORNER: WASHDAY EVERYDAY

There are those who worry about having a wreck while wearing dirty underwear. I worry about having a wreck while dirty laundry is in the laundry basket. The accumulation of laundry in that basket just drives me up a wall. Since there is a name for every other irrational fear, there must be one for this phobia.

Because I am embarrassed to go to a counselor and admit my irrational fear of dirty laundry in that basket, I have set out to treat the condition myself. I've admitted the problem, so I've finished the all-important first step.

My next step is to name the problem. Although my dictionary in my computer program lists 18 phobias, there is not one that describes my condition. However, I did see myself in some of the definitions. I am a prime example of one who has triskaidekaphobia (an abnormal fear of the number 13), and I expect to be included in a study by Mayo Clinic on the condition.

I certainly do not have hypnophobia (the abnormal fear of falling asleep.) One who falls asleep at the movie "Top Gun" cannot be accused of being hypnophobic.

I am not guilty of being sitophobic. One who can eat two Crystal hamburgers, a chili pup, a corn pup and a large order of fries at one sitting could never be accused of having an abnormal aversion to food.

Since these irrational fears are named from the applicable Greek work plus phobia, I set out to name my fear. Being no scholar of the Greek language, this was a most difficult task. I finally found that the Greek word for uncleanness is "musos." I was unable to find the Greek word for laundry, but the Latin word is "lavandarie."

I'll name my condition "musoslavandariephobia," and now, admitted and named, the problem is well on the way to being resolved.

The good news is my offspring did not inherit my dirty laundry phobia gene. They have been known to wait to wash clothes until everything is in the laundry basket and nothing is in the closet. One daughter, from her hospital bed, sent a friend to buy underwear because hers was all in that basket.

There has to be a happy medium somewhere between washing one sock at a time, of which Boulware accuses me, and washing the whole wardrobe at one time. We in the Simpson family just can't seem to find that point between extremes concerning that basket.

I'm working on my mind and one day I won't do laundry for just one day. I just have this irrational fear that if I don't do laundry today, I'll be "nekkid" tomorrow.