Creating our own destiny

"Another boring day," said Janie, a recent widow, as she rolled over in bed for one last time that morning. Janie forced her feet to touch the floor as she threw the covers back. Her husband had been gone for a short amount of time, and Janie was trying to adjust to the new life she had been forced into. It was difficult but Janie was determined that she wasn't going to allow depression and an attitude of hopelessness and uselessness to overtake her. Janie still must go on living and derive as much joy in living as was possible -- and she knew it could be possible

As the widow pondered in her mind how she could feel like a whole person again, after the death of her husband, she talked with different people who had experienced the same sort of trauma. It seemed like her life consisted, presently, of strengthening up business affairs and all the many things with which people must deal. Janie understood that she was not alone, actually, but she and her God had to figure out what her new role would be like now, as a single person. The love and attention that she received from others was one of the largest sources of support, but those people could not always take care of her. She must decide how to take care of herself and perform her duties in life plus those of her late husband. How should she live, now?

Janie's friend, Marsha, had shared a touching story with Janie, beforehand. She, too, had undergone the passing of her husband. Marsha began by saying that she had won in a tennis tournament, one of many that she had won in the past. She couldn't wait to share with someone special. The person with whom she had always shared her scores was her husband. Marsha related that while driving home from the tournament, her eagerness to share the good news suddenly waned, and then came to an end. "I realized that I had no one to tell," Marsha said. At that moment, the stark realization caused her to delve into herself for ways to deal with her life--one that now, seemed to be turned upside down.

There are many examples of various scenarios where people have had no choice expect to find a solution for facing the rest of their lives happily -- or to give up. It isn't easy but courage can be found inside. Many lose their confidence and joy after losing their mate, a lifetime job, that's caused them to begrudgingly change a lifestyle, or having to accept a life-altering injury. After hearing Janie's and Marsha's stories, I reflected deeply about ways that one can survive when he has no alternative except to move forward or retreat backwards.

A minister commented, recently, that we are born alone and we will die alone. I feel he meant no disrespect or wasn't insinuating that we have no one to love us, or companion us as we're born or as we pass. Rather he was saying that we must learn to stand on our own feet. Ultimately we must try to manage on our own as much as possible. If we are without the tools we need to push forward, then one has to find them. Most possess some sort of a higher power on which they depend.

As I walk though only one day at a time I have to feel as if I'm a part of a whole, that I am connected to a body of something. Whether it is being a helper at church, a needed part of a family, reporting to a job on a regular basis or meditating, I still can have my place in the scheme of life. I may be Jim's mom, Tonya's cheer coach or just simply, me, learning to like and love myself. My mom was a great example. She was prone to quote little cliques such as, "You make your own happiness" and "I like myself," as she strolled over to the surrounding ditch to fish. Whatever our challenge, it's up to us to be the main creator of our destiny.