Directions from Grandma II

"Lydia, did you hang up on me yesterday? Lightnin'? Weren't no lightnin' here. Well, anyways, where did I leave you? At the end of the pecular fence? All right, you go a piece and you'll see one of them there mountains I've been talking 'bout. Ifen I'as you I'd take a runnin' start at hit. Nuff to git you about a third of the way up. Just keep givin' hit gas and you'll make hit to the top. But don't stop to look around. This is bobcat and black-panther country. I've never seen none, but Jeb Ryan has -- a panther. You 'member Jeb, don't you. He married Lou Ellen Nichols. they got three kids. No, four. The last one is at home halpin' 'em out.

"When you go down to the mountain, don't try to coast. Iffen you do and don't have control of your Lizzie, you might wind up in a pond at the bottom. Hit's got goldfish in hit. Put 'em there myself, and so far nothins et 'em.

"Now, after you git your bearins again, you'll come on a gasoline station. Really, way out there from nowhere. Better stop and git some gasoline. Iffen you don't have no money on you, charge hit to me. They'll know I'll pay. A little ways on down, you'll see somethin in a field off to your ri, ri, yes, the right. Don't git scared. Hit can't move. Jist an old mowin' machine. Been settin' there for years. All covered over with wild mornin' glories and blind weed.

"You er comin to the big river now. Hits low so youse shouldn't have no trouble. Iffen you keep your steerin' straight you'll miss the big boulder on the left. Hit'll be covered with water, so go slow er you might bust a tire. Old Hickock Jones got hung up on that rock oncet, only it was a wagon wheel. Horses couldn't budge hit. Luckily, one of them quick summer storms came up, flooded the river quick-like and floated him loose. Poor old Hickock. Been dead for five years.

"Well, Liddy, eat the rest of your fried chicken iffen you haven't done that already. You should be gittin' here 'bout 4, and I won't have supper ready 'til 6. But I've made some fresh schmear-case -- drippin' now. I 'member you used to like that.

"After you cross the river, go on 'bout a mile and you'll see a little white board church. Needs paintin'. Hit's always open. Stop and go in iffen you're in the notion. I always do. There's a little room off to the side, and there is always a quilt in a frame where the ladies are quiltin'. Last time I stopped there was a star of Bethlehem top in the frames. Yeller star on a dark-blue background. 'Bout five by seven blocks. The women are quiltin' hit with a yeller thread. Makes it look like that star is jist a shinin' all over. Pretty. I'm a good quilter, so I just sat down and quilted a whole block. I wonder iffen the women noticed or jist thought that's where they stopped off?

"I always go up to the pulpit too. I have turned the pages of the Bible to David's old green pastures-still waters song. Funny thing, ever' time I stop, the pages haven't changed. I guess the preacher uses another Bible or knows the whole thing by heart and doesn't need to read hit.

"Liddy, almost zackly one mile past the church, turn to the left and you can see my house. Needs paintin'.

"Now these are directions for the long way down. Here's the directions for the short way down. Lid? Liddy? Lydia? Must be lightnin' up there again."

REJOICE!

Jean Bell Mosley is an author and longtime resident of Cape Girardeau.